looking forward to a new year

I have two weeks of freedom left! Hahahaha
I start school on the 11th.

I decided to take Anatomy & Physiology I first. I will take Anatomy & Physiology II after. Both are required for the two different programs I am deciding on going into later. I definitely want to be in the field of physical therapy. I'm just not sure yet if I want to go the full route and do the DPT (grad school) or do the PTA program at tech and be an assistant.

The PTA is definitely cheaper and would take less time to complete. I don't know. We'll see.

I'm really excited about going back to school. I'm a little nervous too. I went back to school though in 2002 for paralegal, and I got a 4.0...so I'm not too worried. I took 2 classes each semester at night and worked full-time. This time, I can only afford one class at a time at night. I will still be working full-time. I hope I will still have time to climb and do all of my workouts. Exercising is very important to me. Where there is a will, there is always a way! It will all fall into place.

2011 will bring a lot of newness for me. I am really stoked!!!

Myofascial Pain Syndrome

This pain gets really old! Had another massage today. Wish I could afford them every two weeks.

I know some people think FMS is all emotional...most docs still don't even really know what it is yet. To me, to have a better understanding of myofascial pain syndrome really helps me. I know it isn't all in my head. The pain is real folks. Frankly, it sux!

I have felt better though since 2006, when I started making lifestyle changes. The keys to success are: exercise, pain meds, massage therapy, stretching and stress reduction. I have found that certain foods I avoid also help.

Here is a link about FMS and Myofascial pain: www.healthcorner.org/articledetails.php?aid=215&tsrc=gc&ppceng=google&kw=myofascial%20pain%20fibromyalgia&id=26312&gclid=CLyuyryO_KUCFYHc4AodpTq3nw

I keep reading up on it. I wish there was a cure.

my TUT message today!

Not ever, not once, Sue, not since time began has there been someone who's actually made the kind of choices you've consistently made, year after year, your whole life long, in spite of fleeting fears, lingering doubts and moments of despair. Yet now, for the countless multitudes waiting on the sidelines for their turn, there's a path, an example to follow, and a light to show them the way.

Jolly good show,
The Universe

Tiny Buddha

CONTACT Tiny Wisdom: On Seeing Good
Nov 16, 2010 01:22 am | Lori Deschene

“Always be mindful of the kindness and not the faults of others.” -Buddha


It’s easy to focus on someone else’s faults and flaws–we’re all human and we all have them. But shining a light on someone’s weaknesses doesn’t help them improve; it merely reminds them you’re more attentive to what they lack than what they have.

We all want to be appreciated for who we are and the good we do, regardless of our shortcomings. We want to believe that what we do is enough–that we’re enough, even if we don’t do everything perfectly and still have room to grow.

We can’t control how other people treat us, but can we show them how in the way we treat them.

Whose kindness can you acknowledge today?

a 35 year old undergrad

Well, I'm registered for Biology 101 in the spring! I have 8 undergrad science classes to take before I can apply to grad school to work towards a doctorate in Physical Therapy.

Wow, it is going to be a long road from here. I am looking forward to it though.

Cats not Cancer

http://catsnotcancer.tumblr.com/

This is my friend, Nikki...her blog.

She was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm following her blog.

She is very inspiring to me, and I think she is an amazing person.

Good News!!!

Good News!

There is a website now called www.SeniorPeopleMeet.com

I guess I won't have to grow old and grey all alone afterall!!!

Action v. Apathy

Posts from Tiny Buddha for 10/29/2010

Email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser. HOME BLOG QUOTES SPONSOR ABOUT CONTACT Tiny Wisdom: On Choosing Oct 29, 2010 03:57 am | Lori Deschene “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them.” -Denis Waitley Sometimes complaining, stressing, analyzing, and fantasizing can seem proactive, but they don’t actually change anything. Visualizing or planning may help you take action, but nothing changes unless you actually do. Today if you feel aggravated with your circumstances ask yourself these questions: Am I willing to do something to change them? And if not, what can I do to enjoy today instead of dwelling and letting it slip away?

Scared

So I am getting advised soon for school. I'm a little nervous about going back, and this time it is for something totally different. It will be a huge decision too, compared to when I went back to school for paralegal.

I have been wanting to go to school now for cosmetology for quite some time as far back as I can remember. That is all I have talked about....however, now I have once again changed my mind.

I really want a fulfilling career that is very rewarding. I want to help people...from the inside out, not just from the outside.

Lately, in the last few years, I started getting more active. Active in the gym again and active outdoors. I've been working out and running. I've entered 10k's and mud runs, etc. I also power walked a marathon and a half and raised money to fight breast cancer. I started rock climbing back in 2007. Now, I like to backpack as well, and I have now tried ice climbing twice. I love being active. Along with being active comes a price. PAIN! Hahahahaha

This past spring, I had to get some physical therapy. I have Patella Femoral Pain Syndrome. Bascially, this is the result of the lateral maltracking of the knee cap. There are many things that cause this problem, and it is very common among women. I saw an Ortho and had an MRI. Based on the results of the MRI, I was sent to physical therapy for patella maltracking.

I learned so much from PT. It's sad to say I loved leaving my desk job for an hour to go "work out" at clinic twice a week. I realized, while I was in physical therapy myself, that I too wanted to help folks that are trying to heal and recover and get back in shape.

I know my body was not meant to be at a desk for 7.5 to 8 hours of my day either! Sitting at a desk is really bad for me, and it literally hurts.

I really want to be a physical therapist. I would like to work in a clinical environment helping patients one on one. I want to help patients that have come out of car wrecks or those who have injured themselves playing sports or maybe work with children. I also want to get my trainer's license and become a personal trainer on the side. I really want to make a difference in someone's life.

So now begins the basic prerequisite courses...and once I have completed those, I can begin to apply for grad school to pursue a Doctorate in Physical Therapy.

Tiny Buddha

Email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.

HOME BLOG QUOTES SPONSOR ABOUT CONTACT

Tiny Wisdom: On Envy Oct 28, 2010 01:30 am | Lori Deschene “You can’t be envious and happy at the same time.” -Frank Tyger When you’re fixated on everything someone else has that you lack, it’s near impossible to notice and appreciate everything that’s working in your favor. There’s always something, even if you’re not where you’d like to be professionally, romantically, socially, or personally. You’ll get there–that doesn’t change that now is a perfect time to be happy. Envy is disease of resentful dissatisfaction. Gratitude is not only the anecdote–it’s also a choice to accept and enjoy your world as it is.

Why?

Why do I never listen to my gut?

Why can't people give honest, straight forward answers?

I'm a moron.

from tinybuddha.com

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.” ~Raymond Hull

It’s human nature to want approval from other people, but it can be exhausting to compromise yourself to influence or manipulate other people’s perceptions. No matter how much you try, it simply isn’t possibly to control what other people think.

If you’re being true to yourself, at least a few people will judge, question, or dislike you. No one can please the whole world all at once while honoring their own needs and truths.

Today if you feel the need to people-please, ask yourself, what’s more important: knowing you’ve done your best to make everyone like you, or knowing you’re strong enough to stay true to who you are?

a really good website

Tiny Wisdom: On Growing Oct 06, 2010 02:59 pm Lori Deschene “Growth begins when we begin to accept our weaknesses.” -Jean Vanier Weakness isn’t a sign of inferiority; it’s a sign of humanity. No one is without weaknesses, and everyone makes mistakes as they learn where they excel and where they have room to grow. The important thing to remember is that we will keep growing as long as we keep making that choice; and the best part is there’s no limit to how many strengths we can cultivate. Today is you struggle a little, personally, socially, or professionally, know that it isn’t a setback. It’s an opportunity to unlock your greatest potential.

bigger, better things

So, I'm going to stop procrastinating!

This is my life!!! We only get to live once.

Next week, I should know a little bit more as to how to get started.

If it means selling my house and moving back home with the rents to get it, then that is what I'm going to do!!!

I'm tired of not going after what I really want...I'm tired of being scared. If others out there can do it, then so can I.

breast cancer

This month is breast cancer awareness month.

A friend of mine was just diagnosed with it a couple of weeks ago :(
However, she is strong and is ready to kick cancer in its ass!!!

Anyone out there who is reading my blog, please pray for my friend. Her name is Nikki, and she lives in Seattle. She has been through so much, and I know that this will be just one more obstacle that she will overcome. She really is positive and very courageous. I really admire her strength.

Wow!!!

This is the first time in a long time where i have NOTHING on my calendar!

Strange!!! I'm not sure if i like it or not.

No climbing planned, no trips planned, no races to get into....NOTHING! (nothing to train for)

And I feel a bit lonely...it is what it is i guess.

*sigh*

Ok, time to book up the calendar again........................

MUD RUN 9/25/2010

Saturday, the 25th, was my first time ever running in the USMC Mud Run.

This course was very challenging and so much fun! I really enjoyed myself, even though at times I was hurting. I have been wanting to do this for 2 years now! I was really scared of it, but it wasn't that bad to be quite honest. Most of it was mental. I like getting out of my comfort zone...even if I am scared to do things. I still learn a great deal about myself. And most of the time, I learn that I am quite capable. That's an awesome thing to learn about yourself!!!

The team I was on was completely awesome too. Our team work was amazing. I'm so proud and honored to have such awesome friends in my life!

This was the 10 foot wall that we had to get over as a team:

We got Anne up first.

I was second to go. Oh my god! It was so hard getting over on top of the wall. Really? I thought this obstacle was going to be easier than it was.

Even getting Lauren up was pretty tough, and she weighed like nothing!

At one point, to get Lauren over the top, I pulled on her pants! LOL

None of us had ever done this race before. This was so much harder than the Warrior Dash back in May. Twice as many obstacles and more miles to run!!! All of it was marine style!!! hahaha
They were yelling at you at each obstacle. Crazy!

We did not skip any obstacles. Even the ones that were really hard...we spotted each other on all of them even if it meant only one person can do the obstacle at a time.

A lot of the teams got a faster time, but I personally think they skipped some obstacles?
;)

I was surprised at myself though and how much energy I had. Maybe it was the adrenaline? But I had so much energy. I also jogged most of it. I wasn't sure if I would be able to jog or run it, so I was really happy.

This was one of the best days ever!!! :)

I will definitely do this again next year.

Another message from TUT

What if, loneliness was simply a feeling of impatience, telepathically sent to you by friends you've yet to meet, urging you to go out more, do more, and get involved, so that life's serendipities could bring you together... Would you still feel alone?

What if illness was just the signal a healthy body sent to urge clarification of your thoughts, feelings, and dreams... Would you still, at times, think of yours as diseased?

What if feelings of uncertainty and confusion were only reminders that you have options, that there's no hurry, and that everything is as it should be... Would you still feel disadvantaged?

What if mistakes and failures only ever happened when your life was about to get better than it's ever been before... Would you still call them mistakes and failures?

And what if poverty and lack were simply demonstrations of your manifesting prowess, as "difficult" to acquire as wealth and abundance... Would they still cause you to feel powerless?

an awesome quote

"your unacceptance is not an indication of my being wrong"

I saw this quote on a friend's Facebook page today.

Happiness never comes from outside of us!

Rule #1: You never make others responsible for your own happiness!

In relationships:
"If you take your happiness and put it in someone else's hands, sonner or later, he or she will break it. If you give your happiness to someone else, she or he can take it away.
Then if happiness can only come from inside you and is the result of your love, you are responsible for your happiness...not someone else. We can never make anyone else responsible for our own happiness."

"When we go to the church to get married, the first thing we do is exchange rings. We put a star in someone else's hands, expecting that he or she is going to make you happy and vice versa. But it doesn't matter how much you love that person, you are never going to be what that person wants you to be. That is the mistake we make right from the beginning."

"We base our happiness on our partner, and it doesn't work that way. We make all those promises that we cannot keep, and we set ourselves up to fail."

You can be happy with someone because of the love that is coming out of that person. But as soon as you make him or her responsible for your happiness, they will break it. Because you cannot make someone else responsible for your happiness. This is the reason most relationships and marriages fail. And I know, because I've been in this situation before and had someone put me in this situation before.

- taken from The Mastery of Love, a book written by Don Miguel Ruiz...author of The Four Agreements.

The Physics of the Quest

"...I've come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call "The Physics of The Quest" - a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all - to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself....then truth will not be withheld from you." Or so I've come to believe."

from Eat Pray Love

an interesting message

Sue,

You're the only person who knows what's right for you!

The ONLY one.

And if you already know what this is, commit to it. If you don't, commit to nothing.

Only you know,
The Universe

Whether you commit or not, Sue, get busy. There are still things to do, doors to knock on, stones to overturn, trees to befriend...

A Note From The Universe

Be still, Sue.

Stop thinking!

Feel.

Take action.

Visualize.

Repeat.

Yours,
The Universe

soul mates

"People think that a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But, a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake."

- from the book Eat, Pray, Love.

Falling down trying!

We all have the power to cultivate wonder in our lives. "A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step!"

I think everyone wants to summit a mountain. It's just that everyone's mountain is different....a different kind of mountain to get to the top of. (and a lot of people...well, they think they can't do it) (I often compare life in general to climbing up a mountain)

No matter what mountain you must summit, it's really about the journey though, for me, at least, and not the destination. But it sure does feel good though when you get to the finish line (or the top), especially when you've put the time in and worked so hard for something. It's an awesome feeling of accomplishment. Even when you pay off that credit card! Just like in climbing...and in life.....Just keep breathing, focus, relax and push! hahahaha

Everything is a learning process...it's what you learn and gather along the way...the wonder you cultivate....like a child does (or an adult, like me, on a vacation in a brand new place).
:)

Every time I try something new, I learn something new about myself and about life as a whole.

I want adventure. I want to learn new things constantly and evolve? I want to cultivate wonder my life.

"My urge to grow nudges me beyond my comfort zone." This is one of my favorite quotes right now. I took this quote from one of my yoga classes. I'm on my mat in a back bend trying to see the wall behind me. Or, I'm leaning into my pose and opening up fully (or trying to haha) lengthening my neck and opening my heart (expanding the chest) getting heavy into my legs as they hold me and growing up from the waist. It's hard. It's scary to lean into. I am afraid I will fall (fail) and I am afraid if I don't fall that I must lean more, more and more....then I'm afraid to succeed. Succeeding means more leaning...more trusting...more future falls. ;)

This quote applies to a lot of things though. Not just yoga or climbing. I want to evolve and grow. Growing means you must get out of your comfort zone. If you stay inside the box your entire life, you will not grow or learn anything new....about yourself or about anyone else.

I like meeting those who get me out of my box. Those are the friends and people I like being around these days. But I also have to remember that there are people out there who would like to get out of theirs too! So whatever I learn, I like to try and give back. So often we tend to forget this part.

The "box" to me is fear, self rejection, self abuse, a lack of personal integrity, among others...or it could be something more simpler such as not taking time to stop and smell the roses or listen to the crickets.

I have been striving to live outside of this box for awhile now. I made a conscious decision to change and reinvent myself awhile back. Anyone can do it. It takes constant practice. I'm not perfect. It's hard to change. And while I may not ever be the best at anything or the fastest either, at least I am out there...doing it. I'm trying. (Falling down, trying)

I wouldn't say that I'm complete and grounded just yet in my passion for life (i still have issues with the box)....but it is surely something I am really working on. I just never want to be that person that takes life for granted...this isn't a dress rehearsal. We only get one life to live. Always cultivate wonder!

Shake it!

Believe it or not, Sue, of all the types of happy, "yeehaa!" and "whoohooo!" that exist, the greatest are those derived from truly helping others.

Especially, when you help yourself along the way by choosing approaches that tickle you.

It most certainly won't hurt if you have fun, crank up the music, shake-shake-shake, and scarf a new identity, my re-creation while you're at it. In fact, maybe we could use your identity, my re-creation as we help others....

Shake-shake-shake,
The Universe

Considered like this, Sue, selfishness can be the new selflessness, and with far richer results.

a few things...

I'm finally going backpacking!!! I have never been, but I've always wanted to try it...especially since I started climbing. And I've always wanted to rough it a little to see what it would be like. Learn something new. Hmmm...I guess I will find out this weekend if I can survive!
I'm going with my friend, Paul Mongan. We are backpacking a short trek up in the mountains in Maryland. I'm bring my dog, Big, along. This should be a very interesting trip for sure!

I'm enrolled in a photography course right now. I love it so far.

I'm climbing up at Seneca Rocks again this month. It has been 2 years! I am climbing with my buddy Jeremy again. I can't wait to get back up there. I'm really glad we are waiting until the end of the month to go (end of month July)...holidays are so busy.

My mom is doing awesome. She seems to be getting around a lot better now. On Father's Day, she walked up and back down 17 stairs to go up to my brother's finished bonus room in his house. She barely used her walker. I'm so proud of her, and I'm so happy!!!

Me....I'm a little frustrated with my body right now. I'm having tons of tension headaches. My knees feel better. I feel like I never know how I'm gonna feel. I guess it could always be worse? I shouldn't complain.

Counting down the days to Kauai!!!

Must Love Dogs

1. Must love dogs

2. Must LOVE the outdoors

3. Must be reliable and follow through

4. Doesn't hide behind insecurities (we all have them, so get over yourself...be who you are, don't hide behind it)

5. Humble

6. Non-passive aggressive and non-controlling

7. Great sense of humor

8. Eager to learn and teach me new things as well

9. Should be compassionate

10. A real partner

11. Faithful

12. Admit mistakes

13. Patient (this is probably the most important)

14. Thoughtful of others

15. A true boy scout at heart

16. Has a strong spiritual approach to life and lives for something much larger than just themselves

17. Exercises and likes to stay in shape, b/c it is healthy to do so

18. Spontaneous

19. Very laid back

20. No anxieties...b/c i have enough of my own to cover us both or at least understand about anxiety

All We Are by Matt Nathanson

I tasted, tasted love so sweet
And all of it was lost on me
Bought and sold like property
Sugar on my tongue

I kept falling over
I kept looking backward
I went broke believing
That the simple should be hard

All we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful

I wasted, wasted love for you
Trading out for something new
Well, it's hard to change the way you lose
If you think you've never won

'Cause all we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful

And in the end the words won't matter
'Cause in the end nothing stays the same
And in the end dreams just scatter and fall like rain

'Cause all we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful, something real

All we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful, beautiful

KT Tape customer service rules!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_A3ioZAO-A&feature=youtube_gdata

This tape is awesome!

At first, I was not sold. I bought it hoping for all the things they say about this product! Well, I ran with it on my knees, and it rolled off. I couldn't get it to stick. Then, it came off in hot yoga! I know it is hot in there, but KT Tape is supposed to stay on for 7 days and supposed to be able to be worn in the shower, etc....so you would think it would hold up in hot yoga!

Well, I decided to write them on Facebook about it.

I have a condition called Patellar Maltracking. I have to tape my knees for this at times. Anyway, they responded with an awesome message. Talk about customer service! Click on the link above.

Not only am I totally sold on this product, but it held up and stuck to my knees/legs through 2 water obstacles and a mud obstacle this weekend. And I had to run in this event as well.

I like KT Tape, and I really like how KT Tape stands behind their product and their awesome customer service.

stay impeccable by always doing your best (from The Four Agreements Companion)

We all are given choices.

You can choose to be happy or you can chose to suffer.

You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be an owner.

By choosing to be an owner, you are choosing happiness over suffering.

What you believe rules your life. You live your life the way you do, because you believe 100% in what you believe you are. If you can believe it, you can be it.

I know that whatever I do, there is going to be a reaction. I really want to strive to always do my best. In order to do that though, you have change your mind...you have to change what you believe. Change the action. Action v. apathy!

I read something the other night that kinda gave me a kick in the ass. "If there is something you don't like, and avoiding it will only cause a bigger problem for you, then you're not totally being impeccable. If you have a problem, even if you don't want to face it, it is better to face the problem, whatever it is, and do your best. Once you have done that, you don't have to worry about it anymore."

I can choose to believe in anything I want to, and that includes believing in myself. There is only one thing that guides our actions, reactions and interactions...it is our Integrity. You recover your integrity when you are impeccable with your word. Self-betrayal is what breaks our integrity. When you recover your integrity, you feel good...you feel happy. My integrity is who I really am...it is what I am...it is the totality of my authentic self.

I have the right to be happy. I have the right to be here.

I know I cannot control what is around me, but I can control how I will react...how I will perceive it. It is all a choice! It is not what is happening around me that controls whether I am happy or unhappy, it is how I choose to react to it.

If you don't like something, change it. Believe it. We are all faced with challenges. But without challenges, how would you know if you are evolving? It is the action-reaction that makes the difference. Also, go inside and listen to your body! Your body never lies to you! It is your mind that will play the tricks. The truth is the way you feel in your heart and in your guts.

I am where I am right now in my life and doing the best with what I have right now. It is what it is. I am choosing to be happy and to just always do my best.

The Four Agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word (speak with integrity. only say what you mean. do not use te word to speak against yourself and to gossip about others)

2. Don't take anything personally (nothing others do is because of you)

3. Don't make assumptions (find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama)

4. Always do your best (your best will change from moment to moment. under any circumstance, always do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self abuse and regret)

Please help my friend!!!

http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR?px=5546365&fr_id=1980&pg=personal

She is going to be raising money to help fight the battle against breast cancer!

She will be power walking a marathon and a half in October.

Any donation would be awesome!!!

I know how difficult this event is, because I walked this same walk in 2008.

THANKS! :)

hmmm...

Sue, trust yourself.
The Universe

Sue, you know.

Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

Today is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day!

I have this disease, but it does not have me!

I'm climbing mountains, and just for the record, I did my first crossfit class tonight!

Even though I want to tell FMS where it can stick it, I also want to say that I really hope there is a cure for this weird, mysterious disease someday.

Sometimes, I don't even really believe I even have it at all. However, there are those days....where I know I definitely have it. But most of all, I feel that if I can control my mind more, I can control the way I feel... but I know each day will be different. I just have to accept it. It is what it is.

Exercise definitely helps! I figure if I am going to hurt on a couch...I might as well hurt going up a mountain. Anything that beats you up...just makes you stronger in the end.

Anyway, I love my life. I am truly blessed. There are so many other things out there that are far worse than having Fibromyalgia.

I just hope that more women out there who have this disease can get help. I hope that they can exercise, eat healthier and live a fuller life. I hope one day, they can figure out what is REALLY causing this disease and not just say "it's emotional". I wish for a cure someday.

Kauai, Hawaii

So I finally set a date! Late September it is.

My summer 2010 vacation!!!

I am beyond stoked right now :)

some change i found laying around...

I read something today that I thought was really awesome.

This comes from a book called The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier by Ariane de Bonvoisin.

"It takes 30 days to create a habit. How we relate to those first 30 days may make all the difference."

She talks about the "transition through any change, whether it is career, health, lifestyle, relocation, or personal relationship changes."

Ariane says, "Change is always an opportunity to pause, go inside, listen to our 'inner microphone' and be in the present. When change does happen, either by courageous choice or from life circumstances, it is asking us to be honest with what is, and also what is not working for us and our lives."

"Mindfulness is about being totally aware of what our mind is feeding us during change. Usually it's one of a few dominant disempowering programs: disapproval, comparison and perfection...these are the main ones. The mind is going to feed us the usual 'change demons', the classic emotions that show up as well to the 'change party'...fear, doubt, blame, shame, guilt and impatience. Being mindful during change is started by being aware. Aware of what emotion is getting your attention, welcoming it up, asking for its message and letting it be rather than resisting or escaping it."

"Moments of change also happen to help us let go of the need for control. Control of knowing an outcome, of how we can speed things up, get out of the void, or this period of uncertainty, the unknown. Being mindful during change is simply about staying with the shakiness. From all change, something good happens. Life is on our side if we just let it be and surrender to it. It knows the way."

"There are all sorts of changes. From forgiving someone to buying a home, to having a baby, to moving, the loss of a loved one to starting a new job, losing weight and handling a health diagnosis. We all go through changes!"

"Most of us are so focused on our professional resume when really who we are is a combination of all the changes we have ever made, faced and witnessed."

"Take a blank piece of paper and start writing down these changes. Then write down all the good that came from these changes. You will bring back into your mind the connection between life changes and good things emerging, despite the difficulty at that time. Finally make a list of what the main thing was that helped them through. Was it a person? A belief or faith? Getting healthy? Time? Doing things for others, etc.? This exercise will help you get your power back. Even though this change may be something new you are going through, you are not showing up w/o 'tools' or experiences, etc. You know what helped you."

"People aren't changed or helped by information, but by inspiration. You need to ask yourself WHY you want to make a change. The WHY is the fuel, not the HOW or BY WHEN."

"Why is this important to you? Why do you enjoy doing this? Why do you want to lose the weight? Why do you want to leave a job or pursue that dream?" (Why do you climb?)

Something that this author talks about that I really agree with her on is the SEED of all change. I have been looking for something larger than myself. I have been searching for new inspiration.
Lately, I am in need of change. I have been in a funk. A stupid funk. It's just dumb.

"The first step towards any positive sustained change is to take care of yourself...your health. It is the SEED of all change. Sleep, Eating well, Exercising and Drinking water. When you feel healthy, in your body, you get out of your head. Your self esteem rises, your power returns, you are moving these emotions through your body, you feel strong. Change happens through the body, the heart...not in the head."

I remember how good I felt a few years ago, when I made a lifestyle change. I'm not sure how I've gotten off the path. The bushwhacking has already started though. I'll find my way back soon enough. :)

Five awesome quotes to go with this blog:

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." - Gloria Steinem

"Hidden in any misfortune is good fortune." - Tao Te Ching

"The single most important decision any of us ever have to make is whether to believe we live in a friendly universe." - Albert Einstein

"Be patient towards all that is unsolved within your heart, and try to love the questions themselves." - Rainer Maria Rilke

"When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time." - Byron Katie

live out loud

Since 2007, I have been on the quest to search for something large...larger than life...larger than myself. "Nothing happens without personal transformation." I wasn't happy with certain things in my life, and I wanted a change.

Some folks find comfort in themselves...and in things...external achievements. Success to them is how much money they make, that fancy car in their garage....their "title"...their status quo revolves around material things. Or it also can revolve around how greater at things they are over others. Some folks even go outside of themselves to learn instead of going inside. Inside is where it begins. Hiding behind all of those external achievements, in the long term, isn't going to get you anywhere. It only lasts short term. You can't hide for too long.

Lately, I've been in a funk. :(
I've been anxious, sad, down, moody, etc.

The only way to get out of it is to find something larger than myself.

I remember that feeling back in April of 2008 when I sky dived. I jumped out of an airplane, and even though I was falling so fast, it felt like time had stopped. I felt so small up there. I was nothing up there. It was as if nothing mattered anymore...none of my problems existed. Completely vanished. As i looked around and my breath was taken away, it felt magical. I was completely humbled that day! Beauty is around us...great things are amongst us.

I also remember my 2nd time out on the rock. My friend, Mark, took me climbing at Looking Glass in October 2007...he took me traditional climbing, multi-pitch up the Nose. It was hard. It was scary. It was beautiful up there. At the same time that I wanted to cry and come down, I wanted to laugh and scream out at the top of my lungs and jump for joy! I had never been so emotional (except for when it was that time of the month). Just like when I felt so small flying in the sky that day in 2008, I was utterly and completely humbled this day on The Nose at Looking Glass. I was so high up. The wind was whipping around me...the beautiful colors of the fall leaves...that feeling of accomplishment. I was high. High on life. I had found something way larger than myself.

I want to find that feeling again. I want to be humbled and moved. I want to surround myself with more positivity and less negative, unhealthy energy. I want more humbling experiences. I want simple.

There is a song out now by Rob Thomas. (I love him) I love the lyrics. I wanted to share them.
As I look inside to embrace learning, I want to reach for something larger than myself. I want to live my life out loud!

"You can go, you can start all over again
You could try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide, hold all your feelings inside
You could try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

And maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
And try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

Now we wait and try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you could change your mind
You can run, oh, and when everything is over and done
You could shine a little light on everything around you
Man, it's good to be someone

And maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

And I don't wanna wait, I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight, tell it to me slow'

Cause maybe someday we'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday'

Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again'

Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

is it weird?

...that i actually LIKE mowing the grass?

I mean, I HATE house-work. I hate dusting, doing dishes, cleaning the bathrooms, mopping, etc.

(I do like vacuuming though)

For some reason, I love mowing my yard and trimming hedges. I would rather do that type of work than clean a bathroom or wash dishes or dust or just straighten up.

Hmmm...

focus on the big picture...

Dare not wish to change even the slightest thing about a loved one, Sue, without first understanding how it might change the rest of them.

Keep your eye on the ball,
The Universe

Besides, if the big picture is rocking you, Sue, why make a fuss over a few splots?
Splots is now a word. Literally, as in now now.

the subtle fashions of fear

The subtle fashions of fear include:

• Boredom
• Restlessness
• Procrastination
• Compulsively being involved with some activity
• Insomnia
• Stress-related physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, or other body pain.

“We all live with and cannot escape from uncertainties, difficulties, illness, aging, death, and an inability to fully control life events.”

It’s important to expose these subtle fears to gain more freedom over our days and to make sure that we don’t look back as Mark Twain did saying: “I am a very old man and have suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

Better Kinds of Wild

Those who are needy of attention, Sue, hide from themselves their greatness.

Those who are needy of opportunity, Sue, hide from themselves their power to create.

And those who are needy of love, Sue, hide from themselves what's already there.

But boy, oh boy, are they in for a wild ride.

The Universe

Sue, there are better kinds of wild. Trust me.

Patellar Maltracking

So the MRI showed that I have some blistering going on under my patella.

It is caused by patellar maltracking. My knee cap is off-track. It rubs and grinds in the wrong places when I am bending my knees. It comes from the quads being weak. Not all of my quad muscles are weak...the quads encompass a huge muscle group on their own.

http://www.aafp.org/afp/991101ap/2012.html

http://www.mooreclinic.com/client_resources/patient-ed/Patella%20Maltracking.pdf

Basically, I have to start physical therapy. I have to retrain my patella to track properly.

I will be going twice a week for 4 weeks for PT.

Well, I'm just glad it's nothing major! But this shit still hurts though. It's a very common problem according to my ortho.

Wish me luck!!!

Stoked!!!

I leave work early today to go up to Cashier's, NC.

I am climbing with a new crew this weekend. We are climbing at Laurel Knob, and I am really super stoked.

We are climbing Laurel Knob on Saturday and at Big Green on Sunday. So far, I know we are getting on Central Pillar and escaping to Seconds if we have to. Then Sunday, it's Hypocrite's Corner.

It's all trad and multi-pitch...and granite slab!

It should be stellar! Perfect weather too.

I will take tons of pics and write a blog when i return. Wish me luck! :)

falling...

The only way to learn sometimes is to fall down and pick yourself back up.

I am deathly afraid of falling while on lead. I will either bail the route completely or hang on every bolt.

Last year, I did my first lead ever in the gym (I've led outdoors before though), and I fell. My first fall too. It didn't feel too good. My belayer was bigger than me and did not know how (obviously) to give me a soft catch. It was a horrible jolt and i banged into the wall hard! It hurt. Ever since, I have been deathly afraid to fall.

Tuesday night, in the gym, i practiced falling on lead.

I would climb a few holds above my bolt and just let go on purpose. I had to do this to see what falling would be like again. I had a different partner this time and I had some experienced leaders in there that night to coach me on lead and coach my partner in lead belaying for me. It really helped. It made me more comfy to be on lead. I think next Tuesday, I will be able to lead that route clean.

I lead 2 route this past weekend at The New. I am tired of hanging on bolts.

Learn to Cultivate Joy

I'm not really sure how to do this right now....I mean, I know it's true, but...

I do know that anger steals your joy in life. Am I really angry? No, I don't think so. I just feel uncomfortable and a little awkward moreso.

“Between stimulus and response, there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Viktor Frankl

We need to be able to recognize that space so we can choose to get out of our habitual cycles of potential negative rumination and realize we have a choice and that choice may be to practice ways to awaken joy in our lives or incline our minds toward the good. This is not to ignore the difficulties in our lives, but just to help correct the automatic negativity bias that’s neurologically built in as a survival mechanism. Right now, I want to do more than just survive. You know? I want to live well.

But is my choice to remove myself a wrong choice? I mean, I face my other fears in life head on.
Then again, I'm probably comparing apples to oranges and giving myself a really hard time.

“We often think if only life were a little different—better, easier, more comfortable, more in my favor—then I could feel joy. We hold our joy out there like a carrot on a stick, saying, ‘When I get through this conflict with my boss or my mother, then maybe I’ll have a moment of joy, or when I get past my depression, my despair, my loneliness…’ But the potential for joy is always present, and the key to accessing it is saying ‘Yes’ to whatever is true in this moment, whether or not we like what’s going on or expect it." - Carolynn Hobbs, from the book Awakening Joy by James Baraz

But we are also supposed to take care of ourselves too. How can we say yes to something we already know will put us in a situation that would harm us or make us act out or add drama to our life somehow? But then again, drama is about perception too....we as humans create our own drama.

“This of something in your life that you’re not too happy about—perhaps a conflict, a health issue, something you wish hadn’t appeared at all. Without any judgment, notice your first reaction. Then try saying ‘Yes’ to this situation. Notice what happens inside you as you do this. What you’re experiencing may not be what you wanted or expected, but saying yes can empower you and give you the courage to handle whatever rests on your plate.” - Carolynn Hobbs

Carolynn Hobbs is the author of Joy, No Matter What. Maybe I should read her book?

What gives me joy and what holds me back from joy right now in this present moment are the exact same things. It doesn't make much sense to me either!!!

holy cow...

So, I'm having knee issues (again)....it's not like they ever stopped.

My doc appointment was this past Monday, but they coudn't get me in for an MRI until this Monday, the 29th. Bummer! Guess when my follow-up appointment is for the MRI? On the 12th of April. LOL

I have 2 climbing trips and a bridge run all beore that follow-up appointment! Jeez.

I am betting that I'm wasting a shit ton of money on this MRI. I really don't think there is a tear. I think my muscles are just really weak and some are overtrained compared to others.

I bought some knee braces/supports to start using. I hate the way they feel on the back of my legs, but my knee feels really supported though!

I have a race in May that I'm kinda worried about now. I'm doing the Warrior Dash. It's a 3+ mile race with 11 obstacles. It's mainly for fun, but I would like to be able to run though.

It hurts to sit crossed-leg at my desk at work. But I won't even be able to start ANY physical therapy until after the 12th of April. What a joke!!! I'm so frustrated.

a crowded mountain

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I went with Eddie, Jan, Nicole, Ashley, Tobias and Rebecca to Crowder's Mountain.

And yes, it was pretty crowded as usual. I have only been there maybe 3 times before this? And it is always crowded.

I had a blast yesterday. I felt like I got victory too.

There was a route called The Opinionated 5.9 on The Red Wall that I had to be lowered on (TR) back in 2007 on my 3rd outdoor trip. I had just started climbing really in late July 2007 in the gym. Yesterday was my first time getting back on this route (TR), and I topped it out! :)

There was this really weird 5.8 we climbed that was really rough. It had finger holes/pockets all over the place. Just different, but I liked it. It was a fun climb.

We climbed on another 5.9 (don't know the name). It was our first route of the day, so I went left on that route and did the easier version. HA! I climbed this one twice. I cleaned the anchor when we were all done.

I also tried a 10b. But i couldn't get through this one area so I had to come down. It was my first real climbing trip/outing of the season/year. I'm just out of shape.

Crowder's isn't really that bad. There are some great routes there. I mean, I would never say it is a destination crag, but hey, it is 2 hours away. It is Columbia's version of Raleigh's, Pilot Mountain.... Our other two crags nearby that are only about 2 to 2.5 hrs away are Rumbling Bald and Looking Glass Rock...they are slab though.

I'm not sure how I feel about the approach at Crowder's. The first time, it was awful. The 2nd time, it was awful. The 3rd time...awful. I mean, for my ankles, it was great. It is an uphill gravel road and at the end of the road, there is a staircase. Not too bad, if you are good at cardio and like the quad burn. But I still think I prefer those approaches where you have trees and roots to use for hand holds, etc. But those are the ones that I'm scared to face plant on. It's gonna hurt.

After the approach to the top of Crowder's. You must then go down to the base of the crag. You go through all of this crazy scrambling. From there you can hang top ropes from the top or go down this gully (harder than the 3 bears gully at Pilot) to David's Castle. It had been forever since I had been out there. But once you get out there, it all comes back.

I have been having knee issues lately. I feel pretty good today though. My arms and pecs and back are sore though....it hurts to breathe! lol
But this is really the first trip of the year. Two weekends ago, I was at RB and we did tons of hiking and bushwhacking......but no climbing, really. So I consider yesterday to be my first time getting back out on the rock. I've been bouldering twice this year and ice climbed once. I'm ready to get back in shape. I can tell my endurance sucks too. Before May of last year, I was running a lot and more active and in the best shape ever. I didn't climb as much as I would've liked compared to 2008. And I wasn't doing yoga.

2010 is gonna be better I hope. NO more laziness.

no more dysfunctional bs in my life, please!

I really want more backbone......i want tougher skin. I want to be true to myself in every sense of the word....not let others get to me. I don't want to be rude or mean to people, but I just don't want to care one bit what they think. I want to be able to detach myself from things that don't matter.

I want to relax more. Relax in my own skin.

I want to stop comparing myself to others.....why? Why would you ever do that to yourself?

I want to be more laid back.

I want more confidence...break down mental blocks.

I want to be far, far away from those who cause me anxiety...why would i want that in my life? I want to be around others who are laid back and are more positive and I can feed off of what they are sending me.

I want to toughen up and "man up"!

I want to laugh it off when things get hard...not take things in this life so seriously.

I want to be around someone who will dig me up when the better part of me gets covered, not around those who hold me back with their own fears or shortcomings...I don't want to be around those who instill doubt into my mind. And I definitely don't want to be with those who give up on me.

I have started on this long road, but I still have so much farther to go yet!

:)

some advice for me...

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-schmich-sunscreen-column,0,4054576.column

Wow! This article was pretty awesome!

I've been feeling kinda down lately. A friend sent this to me. Clever!!!

Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Mmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Mmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Columbia, SC

Not really a bad place to live, really.

I am 2 hrs. from 3 different NC crags.
3 to 3.5 hrs away from some GA crags and the other NC crags!
2 hrs. from Charleston, SC and 2.5 to 3 hrs from a ton of nice beaches!
5.5 hrs. from The New River Gorge in West Virginia and 5.5 hrs away from some great climbing in TN and Alabama!!!
Charlotte, NC is only 1.5 hrs away and there is an international airport there.
Some great climbing at Seneca Rocks in only 7 hrs away and The Red is only 8 hrs away.


We have rivers here for kayaking, and an actual city dowtown. A small one, but a city nonetheless.

We have a forest here to bike in.

We have an awesome National Forest here...The Congaree Swamp!

I have a climbing gym here.

The cost of living here is so much cheaper than most places!!!

I don't know...I'm pretty content.

Lateralus

These are some of the lyrics to the Tool song, Lateralus...a new friend sent these lyrics to me this morning.

"...Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.
Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.
I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm,
to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.
With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in,
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random
or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going..."

from a previous blog from December 2008

I feel like I need to repost something here today!

I really hate drama. There are so many people out there though that seem to love it. They live for it. Maybe that is why so many people love reality television. They live for other people's drama. Is your life really that boring?

However, drama causes emotional poison. True, life is full of drama. But in reality, drama is really only how you perceive it to be. We control our emotions. We can change our own perceptions. Sure, we cannot control everything or anyone around us, but we can control how we are going to react. It is a choice. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to suffer. As harsh as that may sound, it is true.

And right now, today, I am choosing not to suffer. I have not been being an owner lately. I'm not proud of that either. So, I decided to walk away completely from a situation, from a "friend". I want to be happy again...drama free.

This is something I wrote about after reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz awhile back.

I've gotten so far from this book over the last few months. :(
And I will never again date or be with a man who has not read this book.

Here goes:

'Often when you go into a relationship, you have to justify why you like that person. You only see what you want to see and deny the things you don't want to see. You lie to yourself to make yourself right. (Another interesting fact after the first 3 months of dating...you start really seeing the real person...for who they really are) Then you make assumptions, and one of them is, 'My love will change this person. But this is not true. Your love doesn't change anyone! If someone changes, it is only b/c that person wants to change, not b/c you want them to. Then something happens between the two of you, and you get hurt. Suddenly you see what you didn't want to see before. But now, it is amplified by your own emotional poison. Now you have to be validated and so you blame them for your own choices.'

I also can't stand it when folks are passive aggressive…or try to use that shit on me. I am blunt, so if something I say rubbed you the wrong way, then just ask me straight up about it. Don't assume that I am angry at you or don't assume that I'm in a bad mood, etc. ,etc. I would rather be brutally honest or hear brutal honesty than for someone to be passive aggressive. Passive aggressive behavior means you assume things, and that means you take things personally. Not everything is about YOU! I'm not going to walk on eggshells around you, please don't do that to me!!!

'Real love is accepting other people the way they are…without trying to change them. If you try to change someone, it means you don't really like them. ''If others feel they have to change you, that really means they don't love you just the way you are." I refuse to date someone or even have friends in my life who try to change me. If I have to be someone else, then that means I am fake…I am a false image. I don't want to represent a false image. I am who I am. If you don't like it, then fuck off!

I really admire people who live with this principle. It is hard. It is so hard to be this way…to not worry what other people will think of you…to wonder what they are saying behind your back. It is so rare to meet someone who actually loves you for you! This is something i really need to work on is not caring what others think and just focus on being me. I let others be who they are, right? So why do I always end up apologizing for who I am?

funny how life works....

So for the last 2 years or really since 2007, I've been wanting a starter camera so I can get into photography. But I haven't really been able to afford it. I mean, you have to buy all the lenses, etc. Just expensive...I really want to pay off my bills.

Well, I am still paying off bills, but now as i'm slowly getting things paid off, I am able to once and awhile buy something really nice where i can pay cash for it and not charge it on a credit card! (like my new BD C4s)

Well, the universe works mysteriously in some ways!!!

My friend is selling her Canon Rebel XTi with the 18-55 mm lens and the big, 75-300 mm lens as well....all for $500! And she said I can pay her in payments! Whoo-hoo! I won't have to charge it on a credit card. I'm super stoked! The big lens sell for almost $200 and the camera with the 18-55 mm lens can be from $550 to over $700!

I have been wanting one of these for so long now. I really want to learn photography. I am so damn intimidated by these cameras too! lol I cannot wait to buy it!

removing myself completely

I don't how you guys out there feel about self-torture, but I prefer to not do that to myself. I mean, why would you? To prove you are strong? lol

Strong is to be able to respect yourself enough to not want to subject yourself to a situation that is full of drama or a place where you know you might act inappropriately. I'm mainly talking about realtionships here and my heart. If I know something would rip my heart out or make me crazy to witness, why would I even want that in my life?

Sure, I'm a little embarrassed right now for being stupid and for not trusting my gut.

However, I do have self-respect! That is one thing I do know for sure.

Just because I remove myself completely from a situation and rid my life of the trouble, doesn't mean I'm weak...and it doesn't mean I am running away.

I am protecting myself...taking care of ME like I should have been doing for months now! STRONG!

I refuse to let my life be a soap opera!

And yes, climbing is very important to me, but not THAT important to where I have to subject myself to torture!!! (seeing someone with another)

There are more things to life than that! There are more partners to climb with. I'm not that desperate.

I really needed this message this morning!

When something difficult or painful happens, Sue, always look to see what it makes possible that wouldn't have otherwise been possible.
Like a new adventure, a closer friendship, or chocolate in your peanut butter.

Everything makes you better,
The Universe

:(

Everything sux!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when i think I'm ok, I'M NOT!

Everything is so fucked right now!

Cool quote I found!

"A dead end is just a good place to turn around"

it's my birthday, it's my birthday...

So, I have been working really hard lately....trying to boulder more and strength train, etc. Now I'm climbing stronger than ever. I just wish I could start getting on the sharp end of things though. I'm still not there yet. Too scared. However, the more 10s I can start climbing on and start feeling more comfy on, I feel like I'll be leading soon.

As of the end of last week though, I got the flu on top of bronchitis! UGH! So, yeah, now that I kinda feel better overall, my chest is still full of that crap! I need rest. No climbing! This sux. I'm hoping though that this rest will actually help me instead of make me weaker. I hope to be back in the gym on Thursday. Keeping my fingers crossed!

I'm 35 today! Whoo-hoo! I'm not really where I thought I would be at 35. I'm not making the money nor do I have that dream job i thought I would have, but I never knew either that I would be climbing on big rocks and having awesome friends that I have! I still don't know if I will ever meet that man of my dreams, but everything happens for some kind of a reason. Life is mysterious.

Wow!

Sometimes, Sue, having more fun and being happier comes from looking for each in crazy, new places; instead of waiting for them to come from where you've found them before or where others are now finding them.

And I do mean crazy. Not just from the old standbys of travel, adventure, and romance, but from stretching, reaching, and growing. Accepting new responsibilities for your happiness, totally accepting others, and grasping even higher ideals. Philosophically taking yourself to places few have ever dared before.

Red hot smokin' love,

The Universe

There's always a higher level to go, Sue, when it comes to happiness.

a blog from another blog!

Mindfulness and Psychotherapy

Regaining Control of Your Life: Monday’s Mindful Quote with Tara Brach
Posted: 22 Feb 2010 09:24 AM PST

There is a tradition on the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy blog. Every Monday, I cite a quote or a poem that is related to mindfulness and psychotherapy in some way and then explore it a bit and how it is relevant to our lives. For me, quotes and poetry can often sink me into a state of greater understanding. So for today, here is a quote by Tara Brach:

"When we put down ideas of what life should be like, we are free to wholeheartedly say yes to our life as it is."

Well, here we are again, the “shoulds.” Or the classic saying, “I need to stop shoulding on myself.”
What should life be like anyway? Should it be like the stories and images we see in a romantic comedy? Should it be like the destruction and chaos we see in suspense or horror flick? Or maybe we should all be traveling a stream of light blissfully riding the love train.

Well, here are 3 realities of life to chew on:
Life is like this — What’s this? It is exactly whatever you are experiencing right now.
Here’s another reality, life is always changing. That means that whatever “this” is right now, will become something else.

One last truth, we are active participants in our health and well-being.
However, it takes saying “yes to our life as it is” in order to have a choice in how we want to make a change.

In other words, if we are feeling sad, it’s important acknowledge this so we know the reality of the moment and what are capabilities are. We can choose to feel the sadness or if we are really depressed and we feel the sadness will take us down a deep dark rabbit hole, maybe we can just acknowledge it, let it be, and choose to do something different in the moment.

So, I guess there’s a fourth truth: Being present to life as it is, is a prerequisite for having more choice in life.

The beauty of this is that we can actually cultivate the ability to become more present to our lives by practicing mindfulness.

(Here is a short video to practice right now – you may have already viewed this, but even so, one practice in mindfulness is to bring a beginner’s mind to any practice, as if it was for the first time).
So at the end of the day, there are some things we can’t choose (i.e. our genetics, our biological or inherited families, some life events), but in being present we can choose how we want to relate to them and that can make all the difference.
To hear more about Tara Brach, you may want to check out interviews with her on 5 Keys to Emotional Freedom and Radical Acceptance.
As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

interestingly enough....

I checked my TUT message this morning, and guess what? It is so dead on! Lately, it really has. Crazy!

It totally applies to several things that have been going on my life lately....how could it know this? ;)


Sometimes, Sue, when things take longer than you thought they would, it's just a gentle reminder from your greater self (me), that you have more time than you thought, and that there's a journey to enjoy.

Yeah, like all the time in the world.


The Universe

***Besides, Sue, just because it's taking longer than you thought it would, doesn't mean stuff isn't happening, even as you read these words.

to each his own...

You're right, Sue; too much self-discipline will discourage your playful, wandering imagination. It'll snuff out the flames of inspiration and creativity. And it'll weigh you down with routines and logic. It simply isn't "spiritual."

But, then, neither is too little.

Tallyho,

The Universe

***Just think what you know to think, say what you know to say, and do what you know to do, Sue. Every day, lots and lots.

took the words right out of my mouth!!!

You might call it spiritual logistics, Sue, but sometimes you have to move away, to get closer.

Or you might just call it weird.

Either way, it helps to remember it from time to time.

Tallyho,

The Universe

***And while we're at it, Sue, sometimes you have to let go, to stake your claim. Be still, to move forward. Give, to receive. Cry, to feel the joy. Pretend, to make it real. Fake it, before you make it. And sometimes, oddly enough, you must first decide to feel their love, to find it was there all along.

a very interesting link

http://www.alternet.org/food/145582/how_shopping_carts_may_be_our_greatest_weapon_in_the_health_care_fight

Quote for the day!

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”

~ Pema Chödrön

from a friend

Dear Friend,

Despite the high opinion
I have of you
I know that you’ve been feeling down lately
And for you have touched my heart
In so many ways
I hope that the words reaching you
This very moment
Don’t lose any of the love they were written with
For they certainly don’t lose any truth:
No matter how hard it might rain,
The sun will always shine again.

thawing out

In hot yoga Friday night, we talked about how everything is thawing out for spring. All of the snow and ice storms have come, and now spring is around the corner. Things will start thawing out soon.

Our hearts can now thaw out for another year to evolve and grow. Everyone changes each year, hopefully they do! We talked about our hearts and about how much we will give this year and how much we will open ourselves up...what shape our hearts will be in this year.

I look forward to every spring and to every new year. Especially since I started climbing.

Now, for some reason, I am not. I have no clue what shape my heart will be in after it thaws.
I think it has been frozen in denial for quite some time. Like when your toes are frozen (or they feel like they are frozen...b/c they are numb). With the thawing, comes the feeling...the numbness wears off and then you feel pain.....my heart is starting to really see the reality of this 'thaw'.

I thought about it on my mat during class. I felt sad. I have no idea what i will be able to give this year. Do i run and hide or just throw myself out there and see what happens? I'm afraid. Most people run as soon as they start to feel something....something they are afraid of. I don't really want to be one of those people.

If thawing out brings pain, then the tears just mean that you are really strong. Those who can't show emotion...those who can't be vulnerable at all are not strong. Feelings and emotions are not a sign of weakness. It shows strength. I guess there is truth to my favorite quote, "Courage is being scared to death...and saddling up anyway." Well, I'm scared to death...

Maybe this spring means mingling in a different light? New connections?

Will I still saddle up?

And I'll say it again!

"When you let your own light shine, you unconsciously give others permission to do the same."

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

- -Mother Theresa-

Another TUT Message

People who do all they can, with what they've got, from where they are, Sue, no matter how puny their actions, how tiny their steps, or how futile it may seem, simply have more fun.

Way.

Of course, to the uninitiated it doesn't appear that way. To them it appears as if only those taking gigantic leaps, who drive cars with fancy wheels, have loads of friends, perfect bodies, and fly around the world in First Class Sleeper Seats, are having fun. But what they don't realize is that we're often talking about the very same folks, just at different points in their journey.

Coffee, tea, or a brand new Bentley?

The Universe

Lighten Up!

One of my goals for my life is to be more mindful...meaning being in the present moment more.

At age 25, I was diagnosed with a disabling, chronic pain syndrome called Fibromyalgia. There has been a ton of new research, and there is a lot more information out there about this disease than there used to be. Before that, I never really understood what was wrong with me. I just knew that if I did certain activities, I would hurt...and I hurt if I didn't do anything at all...or I just knew that I was afraid to participate in certain activities for fear of hurting...or rather that I could not do certain things at all. I felt like a 25 year old women trapped inside of an eighty something's body...except that body looked 25!


I'm sure other chronic pain sufferers know what I'm talking about...regardless of what causes your chronic pain...fortunately, mine is non-degenerative.



I never really got answers for my pain. I thought I was going crazy at times. Why do I hurt like this when there is nothing 'wrong' (according to x-rays and blood tests)? So I kind of let it take over my being.......it was my past and present and going to be my future! Pain was who I was...pain kept me on the couch...a lot. I never knew back then what I could be capable of doing today!

I've never really been a quitter though either.

All of these years, I did my own research on FMS (Fibromyalgia). I learned a lot. I have met others who have it. Talking about it with others who have it helps. I have made certain changes in my lifestyle too. And now my doc has found out I have a low thyroid. I'm excited to see how my new thyroid medicine will help me. Even though the symptoms of low thyroid mimic those of FMS, I still don't think I'm completely out of the woods on Fibromyalgia just yet. It will take some time to really adjust to the thyroid meds and see if they are working.

Anyway, I'm just writing about this I guess, to say that I can still do anything i want, even with chronic pain. If I just live in the present moment....all I have to get through is that moment...I don't have get through to that night or to the next morning yet...just that one moment.

Does this make sense?

I read an article about being mindful and in the present moment for chronic pain sufferers and how it helps with chronic pain. It made sense to me. Instead of being afraid or giving up...now, i just keep pushing on...all i have to make it through is this present moment. I'll just do my best. I know it will be different each day, but I will always try and give it my best.

"Come on Sue, you got this....you can do this!"