from a previous blog from December 2008

I feel like I need to repost something here today!

I really hate drama. There are so many people out there though that seem to love it. They live for it. Maybe that is why so many people love reality television. They live for other people's drama. Is your life really that boring?

However, drama causes emotional poison. True, life is full of drama. But in reality, drama is really only how you perceive it to be. We control our emotions. We can change our own perceptions. Sure, we cannot control everything or anyone around us, but we can control how we are going to react. It is a choice. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to suffer. As harsh as that may sound, it is true.

And right now, today, I am choosing not to suffer. I have not been being an owner lately. I'm not proud of that either. So, I decided to walk away completely from a situation, from a "friend". I want to be happy again...drama free.

This is something I wrote about after reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz awhile back.

I've gotten so far from this book over the last few months. :(
And I will never again date or be with a man who has not read this book.

Here goes:

'Often when you go into a relationship, you have to justify why you like that person. You only see what you want to see and deny the things you don't want to see. You lie to yourself to make yourself right. (Another interesting fact after the first 3 months of dating...you start really seeing the real person...for who they really are) Then you make assumptions, and one of them is, 'My love will change this person. But this is not true. Your love doesn't change anyone! If someone changes, it is only b/c that person wants to change, not b/c you want them to. Then something happens between the two of you, and you get hurt. Suddenly you see what you didn't want to see before. But now, it is amplified by your own emotional poison. Now you have to be validated and so you blame them for your own choices.'

I also can't stand it when folks are passive aggressive…or try to use that shit on me. I am blunt, so if something I say rubbed you the wrong way, then just ask me straight up about it. Don't assume that I am angry at you or don't assume that I'm in a bad mood, etc. ,etc. I would rather be brutally honest or hear brutal honesty than for someone to be passive aggressive. Passive aggressive behavior means you assume things, and that means you take things personally. Not everything is about YOU! I'm not going to walk on eggshells around you, please don't do that to me!!!

'Real love is accepting other people the way they are…without trying to change them. If you try to change someone, it means you don't really like them. ''If others feel they have to change you, that really means they don't love you just the way you are." I refuse to date someone or even have friends in my life who try to change me. If I have to be someone else, then that means I am fake…I am a false image. I don't want to represent a false image. I am who I am. If you don't like it, then fuck off!

I really admire people who live with this principle. It is hard. It is so hard to be this way…to not worry what other people will think of you…to wonder what they are saying behind your back. It is so rare to meet someone who actually loves you for you! This is something i really need to work on is not caring what others think and just focus on being me. I let others be who they are, right? So why do I always end up apologizing for who I am?