live out loud

Since 2007, I have been on the quest to search for something large...larger than life...larger than myself. "Nothing happens without personal transformation." I wasn't happy with certain things in my life, and I wanted a change.

Some folks find comfort in themselves...and in things...external achievements. Success to them is how much money they make, that fancy car in their garage....their "title"...their status quo revolves around material things. Or it also can revolve around how greater at things they are over others. Some folks even go outside of themselves to learn instead of going inside. Inside is where it begins. Hiding behind all of those external achievements, in the long term, isn't going to get you anywhere. It only lasts short term. You can't hide for too long.

Lately, I've been in a funk. :(
I've been anxious, sad, down, moody, etc.

The only way to get out of it is to find something larger than myself.

I remember that feeling back in April of 2008 when I sky dived. I jumped out of an airplane, and even though I was falling so fast, it felt like time had stopped. I felt so small up there. I was nothing up there. It was as if nothing mattered anymore...none of my problems existed. Completely vanished. As i looked around and my breath was taken away, it felt magical. I was completely humbled that day! Beauty is around us...great things are amongst us.

I also remember my 2nd time out on the rock. My friend, Mark, took me climbing at Looking Glass in October 2007...he took me traditional climbing, multi-pitch up the Nose. It was hard. It was scary. It was beautiful up there. At the same time that I wanted to cry and come down, I wanted to laugh and scream out at the top of my lungs and jump for joy! I had never been so emotional (except for when it was that time of the month). Just like when I felt so small flying in the sky that day in 2008, I was utterly and completely humbled this day on The Nose at Looking Glass. I was so high up. The wind was whipping around me...the beautiful colors of the fall leaves...that feeling of accomplishment. I was high. High on life. I had found something way larger than myself.

I want to find that feeling again. I want to be humbled and moved. I want to surround myself with more positivity and less negative, unhealthy energy. I want more humbling experiences. I want simple.

There is a song out now by Rob Thomas. (I love him) I love the lyrics. I wanted to share them.
As I look inside to embrace learning, I want to reach for something larger than myself. I want to live my life out loud!

"You can go, you can start all over again
You could try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide, hold all your feelings inside
You could try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

And maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
And try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

Now we wait and try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you could change your mind
You can run, oh, and when everything is over and done
You could shine a little light on everything around you
Man, it's good to be someone

And maybe someday we'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday

And I don't wanna wait, I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight, tell it to me slow'

Cause maybe someday we'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now that
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday'

Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again'

Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

is it weird?

...that i actually LIKE mowing the grass?

I mean, I HATE house-work. I hate dusting, doing dishes, cleaning the bathrooms, mopping, etc.

(I do like vacuuming though)

For some reason, I love mowing my yard and trimming hedges. I would rather do that type of work than clean a bathroom or wash dishes or dust or just straighten up.

Hmmm...

focus on the big picture...

Dare not wish to change even the slightest thing about a loved one, Sue, without first understanding how it might change the rest of them.

Keep your eye on the ball,
The Universe

Besides, if the big picture is rocking you, Sue, why make a fuss over a few splots?
Splots is now a word. Literally, as in now now.

the subtle fashions of fear

The subtle fashions of fear include:

• Boredom
• Restlessness
• Procrastination
• Compulsively being involved with some activity
• Insomnia
• Stress-related physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, or other body pain.

“We all live with and cannot escape from uncertainties, difficulties, illness, aging, death, and an inability to fully control life events.”

It’s important to expose these subtle fears to gain more freedom over our days and to make sure that we don’t look back as Mark Twain did saying: “I am a very old man and have suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

Better Kinds of Wild

Those who are needy of attention, Sue, hide from themselves their greatness.

Those who are needy of opportunity, Sue, hide from themselves their power to create.

And those who are needy of love, Sue, hide from themselves what's already there.

But boy, oh boy, are they in for a wild ride.

The Universe

Sue, there are better kinds of wild. Trust me.

Patellar Maltracking

So the MRI showed that I have some blistering going on under my patella.

It is caused by patellar maltracking. My knee cap is off-track. It rubs and grinds in the wrong places when I am bending my knees. It comes from the quads being weak. Not all of my quad muscles are weak...the quads encompass a huge muscle group on their own.

http://www.aafp.org/afp/991101ap/2012.html

http://www.mooreclinic.com/client_resources/patient-ed/Patella%20Maltracking.pdf

Basically, I have to start physical therapy. I have to retrain my patella to track properly.

I will be going twice a week for 4 weeks for PT.

Well, I'm just glad it's nothing major! But this shit still hurts though. It's a very common problem according to my ortho.

Wish me luck!!!

Stoked!!!

I leave work early today to go up to Cashier's, NC.

I am climbing with a new crew this weekend. We are climbing at Laurel Knob, and I am really super stoked.

We are climbing Laurel Knob on Saturday and at Big Green on Sunday. So far, I know we are getting on Central Pillar and escaping to Seconds if we have to. Then Sunday, it's Hypocrite's Corner.

It's all trad and multi-pitch...and granite slab!

It should be stellar! Perfect weather too.

I will take tons of pics and write a blog when i return. Wish me luck! :)

falling...

The only way to learn sometimes is to fall down and pick yourself back up.

I am deathly afraid of falling while on lead. I will either bail the route completely or hang on every bolt.

Last year, I did my first lead ever in the gym (I've led outdoors before though), and I fell. My first fall too. It didn't feel too good. My belayer was bigger than me and did not know how (obviously) to give me a soft catch. It was a horrible jolt and i banged into the wall hard! It hurt. Ever since, I have been deathly afraid to fall.

Tuesday night, in the gym, i practiced falling on lead.

I would climb a few holds above my bolt and just let go on purpose. I had to do this to see what falling would be like again. I had a different partner this time and I had some experienced leaders in there that night to coach me on lead and coach my partner in lead belaying for me. It really helped. It made me more comfy to be on lead. I think next Tuesday, I will be able to lead that route clean.

I lead 2 route this past weekend at The New. I am tired of hanging on bolts.