thawing out

In hot yoga Friday night, we talked about how everything is thawing out for spring. All of the snow and ice storms have come, and now spring is around the corner. Things will start thawing out soon.

Our hearts can now thaw out for another year to evolve and grow. Everyone changes each year, hopefully they do! We talked about our hearts and about how much we will give this year and how much we will open ourselves up...what shape our hearts will be in this year.

I look forward to every spring and to every new year. Especially since I started climbing.

Now, for some reason, I am not. I have no clue what shape my heart will be in after it thaws.
I think it has been frozen in denial for quite some time. Like when your toes are frozen (or they feel like they are frozen...b/c they are numb). With the thawing, comes the feeling...the numbness wears off and then you feel pain.....my heart is starting to really see the reality of this 'thaw'.

I thought about it on my mat during class. I felt sad. I have no idea what i will be able to give this year. Do i run and hide or just throw myself out there and see what happens? I'm afraid. Most people run as soon as they start to feel something....something they are afraid of. I don't really want to be one of those people.

If thawing out brings pain, then the tears just mean that you are really strong. Those who can't show emotion...those who can't be vulnerable at all are not strong. Feelings and emotions are not a sign of weakness. It shows strength. I guess there is truth to my favorite quote, "Courage is being scared to death...and saddling up anyway." Well, I'm scared to death...

Maybe this spring means mingling in a different light? New connections?

Will I still saddle up?