July 26, 2007 Go Ahead...Push My Buttons!

Especially the one that says "Relax"!

I have a tendency to get very frustrated when I can't do something...however, I am not a quitter! I may feel like quitting for a second, but I have to get my heart pumping again and then I'm back. And if you say to me that I'm a quitter, it just pisses me off! Then I definitely will not quit...

My closest friends have always called me a trooper...never a quitter.

I experienced something Tuesday that was challenging for me in so many ways.

I climbed a new wall at the gym. :)

It was difficult for me. But I met a new climbing partner, or rather, someone who is teaching/coaching me how to climb. I am very beginner, and I also don't know anything about ropes, knots, etc. My friend taught me how to tie a figure 8 knot into my harness and a little bit about belaying. It's way overwhelming. I sooo need to just relax! However, I am excited now that I know this much! :)

I'm not trying to "train" for some climbing competition nor do I have goals to climb any huge mountains anytime soon. I just want to learn to climb and get outside one day and do it on a real piece of rock. It's something I've always wanted to try but have been afraid to try for one reason or another...whether it be because of fear of heights or b/c I don't think that physically I can do it...I just want to do it is all. I want to do it for me, not anyone else. The same reason I took trapeze lessons...personal transformation! But I also just want something more challenging in my life.

1. This experience Tuesday night was very physically challenging for me. My upper body is weak. I seriously thought my arms were gonna fall off! I kept slipping off, and I got tired. Physically, my hands and wrists were hurting. I wasn't trying to quit, but I was hurting though. My friend kept pushing me though...pushing all my buttons! I was getting very frustrated. You know? I honestly didn't think I could physically do it, but I did. I felt accomplished that I finally made it up there. It took me forever! It was kind of embarrassing to struggle that hard in front of someone that could easily do it though. I always get intimidated. I hate that about myself. But I have to remember that I am totally new at this, and I am learning. Everyone has a different learning curve! And my friend has climbed for years! It's not about impressing him either! I am doing this for myself and am very interested in climbing. But sometimes, it's hard to let someone "see you sweat".

2. This experience was mentally challenging for me! In more ways than one. It was intimidating physically but also mentally. I hate the word "can't", but it kept coming out of my mouth. Ugh! And when I FINALLY reached the top and was being lowered, I felt accomplished physically sort of that I actually made it...however, mentally, I did not feel that way. I was kind of angry at myself...and not totally at myself. Angry for feeling intimidated and angry for not having enough confidence in myself! I'm there to climb, not to impress anyone! So what if I freak out a little! So what if I'm not jumping around the wall like a monkey! I'm learning! I am a beginner. At least I'm doing it. At least I'm trying out something I've never done before. At least I have guts to get up there...

So, go ahead...push my buttons! I like challenges. I want to learn new things every day! I like meeting people who are motivating and who inspire me to push on.