August 26, 2007 A Secret

The Peace Corp.

With everything going on in the world lately, and with me being confused as to what my life is supposed to be about. What do I want out of life? I've been really thinking about a lot of stuff lately.

I've been reading up on The Peace Corp.

I'm stuck in Chapter 2 of this one book. The Chapter is about deifining what your sense of purpose is. Honestly, I can't finish the chapter. There's a little quiz or question thingy that you have to fill out. It helps you with figuring out what you want out of your life, etc. I can't fill it out. I don't really know what the answers are, so I put the book away. Every time I pick it back up, and see the questions, all I think about is a feeling that I want to help people somehow. The book is supposed to be about how to find your passions, define them so you can try to use them to make a living doing what you love. But what if your passion is something that you can't really make money doing? I have this feeling lately that I really want to volunteer and help people. I'm not sure how to really get involved in things...

I have bills, a mortgage, a dog, etc. I need to make money, you know? But a part of me wishes that I didn't have these things so I could just up and move away for 27 months and join The Peace Corp.

I thought about joining Habitat for Humanity and help with the building homes stuff. Maybe I could help at a rape crisis center. There's a lot of things I could do to help around here I suppose...I can't be in a leadership type role though. Like I don't think I could handle being a treasurer or chairman of anything...I'm more the team worker/laborer type.

My main thing that really bothers me right now in this world is sex slavery and sex survival in these torn countries. Young female teens being sold into sex slavery...degrading themselves to feed their families or being kidnapped and sold for sex. It pisses me off. It makes me very sad. These girls are daughters of doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc. They are victimes of war...it's not fair. We get everything here, and we all take it all for granted.

You see these movies and watch news events about the genocide, poverty, child abuse, etc. and sex survival in war torn countries like Damascus, among other places. I get mad when I read or hear about females in these other countries who are killed if they are raped...they become an embarrasment to their familes and their fathers and brothers consider them a disgrace! I get so angry! I just feel like I wish I could help.

What if I wasn't meant to fall in love? What I wasn't meant to find the perfect career? What if it is that I was meant to help others? What if that was my calling?