January 4, 2010 - Learning

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand & changing a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning & company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts & presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up & your eyes ahead... & you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans & futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. So you plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong & that you really do have worth... and with every goodbye, you learn..."

January 3, 2010 - New Year's Resolution!

I keep asking myself, how did i get here and where did everything go? How did everything get to this point? Why did I let it?


2010:

I was in my hot yoga class tonight, and we had a nice talk about setting new years resolutions. It will take some time for me, I suppose. I broke mine on the very night of NYE...before, during and after the clock struck midnight.

Everything I believe in has just gone off the deep end in 2009.

I don't want to go astray again. I want to be held accountable for my actions and my resolutions for this upcoming year.

I wanted to be more accountable for myself this year, which also means not just being an owner of the choices I make, but also meaning taking better care of myself. Putting myself first more...not putting myself in situations where it leads me to be to unlofty.

I wanted to be more magnanimous this year!

Anyways, no more self loathing for me. I'm done!

I want to take better care of myself this year. In order to take care of someone else, first, you have to be able to care for yourself.

I want some Zen in my two thousand ten!

April 2009 - December 2009

I decided not to really blog about this time of my life...for various reasons. I dare not to really return there.

However, I made a ton of new friends over the summer of 2009!

Many climbing trips from Table Rock, The New River Gorge (multiple trips), Ship Rock in NC, Pilot Mountain, Stone Mountain and a vacation trip to New Orleans.

I have tons of photos and tons of memories. :)

And I learned a lot of things about myself....what I really want and need. I learned that too many people out there are looking for perfection, and most want the unavailable. I also learned it is not great putting certain loved ones on a pedestal. You become in love with an idea and not reality. You finally see imperfections.........that is when you know if you truly love. When you can look beyond all of the imperfections. I am not perfect, neither is anyone else for that matter....but I do know that i'm a damn good catch!!!

I know what I want now and what I need. I'm ready for 2010!!!

April 2009 - Charleston Bridge Run

This year was my first time doing the bridge run. The Charleston Bridge Run (Cooper River Bridge Run) is a 10K race/run/walk. It promotes physical fitness and living a healthier lifestyle. I am really inspired by people who live healthier lifestyles and who are into physical fitness. I'm more inspired by those badasses out there that use their physical strengths to help others as well. Use it for some good!!!

This was also my first 10K, ever! I'm a beginner at most things. But I'm also an optimist, and I just want to LIVE LIFE at the fullest and get out there!

I ran most of this 6 miles. I think it was mostly the adrenaline that helped. :)

I'm a slow runner, and right now, I have to break down and power walk some of my runs. It doesn't matter to me though, I like interval training anyway! So, some of this race I did have to walk.

I finished my 6 miles in an hour and 20+ minutes. I thought that was pretty good for me!!! haha

:)

See ya next year Charleston!

April 9, 2009 - A Beautiful Loser, that's Me!

The source of optimism is our thoughts, not our personalities. Optimism is a choice!


The most powerful weapon against a mediocre life is practice.


And just like a fire, the human spirit needs to be lit again each day.


The kingdom of heaven is within us, not outside of us. The doors of perception are inside of our own minds, not out there. You can clean up your life and open up new doors. Yes, it takes practice, but you can do it.


Pessimism specializes in criticizing others and thinking that happiness depends on them changing. Happiness is within yourself! If you want it to be. You can learn to clean out EVERYTHING that muddies up your perception and stops you from seeing the infinite possibilities inside of you. You can invent someone really amazing...if you want to.


Personalities are not fun, vibrant things; they are what we crawl inside of to die.


Personalities are death masks. Freedom from this mask is found in excitement and enthusiasm. It is found in spirited self-creation.


Happiness comes from taking effective action upon the Universe.


If your personality can kidnap your current happiness, you are the problem...no one else! But that is good news, b/c if you are the problem, then you are also the solution!


Set yourself on fire!


Look for inspiration. If something or someone inspires me, it really means that they breathe life into my life.


I have failed at things many times, and because of that...I succeed. Losing is not the same thing as being defeated.


"Just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost" - Coldplay


Never ask yourself what you FEEL like doing. Ask yourself what NEEDS to be done. Do what is necessary...by being in action.


Happiness comes to those who are busy doing what is needed. It follows the actions you take. It is not something you have to feel first.


Do what needs to be done!


Just the doing of what needs to be done...do it badly, do it slowly, do it fearfully, do it any way you can, BUT do it!"


God is alive. Magic is afoot. This I mean to whisper to my mind. This I mean to laugh within my mind. This I mean my mind to serve till service is but Magic moving through the world...and the mind itself is Magic coursing through the flesh, and flesh itself is Magic dancing on a clock, and time itself is the Magic Length of God." - Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers


Reinventing Yourself by Steve Chandler. This material was taken from the book ReInventing Yourself by Steve Chandler. I just wanted to share.

March 23, 2009

Have you ever noticed that when you just assume something that it can cause you or someone else a lot of drama or hurt, especially if you have assumed or thought something about someone that is wrong?

One of the Four Agreements is Don't Make Assumptions.

To ASSUME means you make an ASS out of U and ME. Do you really want that to happen?

We all have a tendency to make assumptions….about everything! If the cashier at the store is in a bad mood, we tend to get all pissed off thinking that she is pissed at us or being rude to us. But what if she just found out her dog died? We should not assume anything about her. If someone you tells you something, a secret/rumor, we should not assume it is true. If someone has different interests than you, you should not assume that they would not be interested in something that makes you happy, even though it may be totally different than what is going on in the other person's life.

The huge issue with assumptions is that we take them personally. We take them personally b/c we actually believe it is real or that it is the truth. If you do not assume things, then you wouldn't take everything so personally…and you wouldn't blame anyone for anything, and then your life would be so much more merrier. You could be an owner!!! An owner of your own emotions! An owner of your spirit.

Taking things personal isn't good at all. Not everything is about you, so stop assuming things and then you will stop taking things so personal as well.

Assuming things makes us suffer. It is better to ask questions, instead of assume. And just as that holds true in relationships, it holds true at work too, right? If you don't ask questions and you just assume things, you probably aren't going to get the job done right.

When you make assumptions, you are only asking for problems. In relationships, it leads to a lot of fights, a lot of difficulties, a lot of misunderstandings…

Another one of the Four Agreements is Don't Take Things Personal. It's hard to do, but if you try doing this, it really helps you live a better life...a happier one.

Taking things personal causes drama. Drama causes emotional poison. A lot of times we create our own drama. We gossip. We assume things about people... We take things personally. And we aren't impeccable with our word. (another one of the Four Agreements: Be Impeccable with Your Word)'

Ask questions, and you won't assume things. Make sure communication is clear. If you don't understand something, ask! Never assume you know everything there is to know about a given situation.' The odds are that you never will.

Everyone should read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

This material was taken from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I just wanted to share some of what I have read.

March 19, 2009 - And I Double Dog Dare You!

People, when given a chance, Sue, smile, skip, and dance.

They create, play, and laugh.

They care, share, and love.

And the ones who don't, haven't yet realized that chances are something you give yourself.

Double dare you, The Universe

March 18, 2009 - A New Message from TUT

Sometimes, understanding their fears, Sue, helps you to understand their actions, as well as their pain.

Plus, understanding their fears sometimes helps you to understand your own.

Ti amo, The Universe

You know, Sue, birds of a feather, no coincidences, like attracts like, and all that jazz.
There really is something to all those clichés.

March 11, 2009 - Friendship

A true friend...
-Accepts you as you are
-believes in you
-calls you only to say "hello"
-doesn't give up on you
-admires all sides of your personality
-forgives your mistakes
-helps you
-encourages you to try it again
-makes a difference in your life
-says nice things about you
-offers his/her support
-understands you
-tells you the truth
-never judges you
-explains things you don't understand
-walks by your side
-calms down your fears
-shouts if necessary, if you don't want to listen
-raises you spirit.

"Let’s face it, we’ve changed, we’ve all changed. Somewhere between summer ending and school starting, we’ve all gone our own directions. Hearts were broken, friendships were diminished, and new loves started and new people came into our lives. We no longer spend all of our time together in our circle of friends; we no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. Some of us are finding love while some of us are trying to let go. Even though we’ve changed we all know that even though we’re all finding our own place in the world that when we find love, let go of a love, or when the tears fall, or a smile spreads across our face, we’ll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us and no matter what happens nothing will change so much that we are all not friends forever."

"A friend is not the one that will kill for you, but the one that will die for you"

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side"

"There are some people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and just live a little better"

"Wanna see who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there."

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
- Helen Keller

"Your best friend is the one who's seen you at your worst, and said you were the best."

March 10, 2009 - In these Times of Today

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Edgar A. Guest

February 26, 2009

Interesting...a blog I have been reading lately...thought I would share Current mood: enlightened Category: Life
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Mindfulness and Psychotherapy
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What’s the Point of Life?
Posted: 25 Feb 2009 11:37 AM PST
Human beings are social creatures and we really need one another for support and survival in this world.

Back in the day it was called a clan or a tribe, now it’s called community or social networks.

Too often in the midst of our relationships one person says or does something that offends another and a spiral of hurt and grievance begins between the two. People get so boiled over with anger inside and make a choice not to connect or make amends with the other because “they don’t deserve it.”

What we’re missing in this picture is that this grudge, this boulder of anger we’re carrying within us, is actually hurting us! It comes in the form of tension, irritability, shallow breathing, increased heart rate, and stress. While it may be too difficult to just ‘let it go’ right now, it may be a good idea to begin to see it a different way.

I have seen it now a number of times. “What was the last thing I said to him before he went out the door” she said on the day her boyfriend was killed in a tragic accident. We’re heard a resounding cry of this during 9/11. Why does it take something so severe as death or threat of injury to bring us back to our senses to what is truly most important…our connections.

Lying on his deathbed the successful entrepreneur turned to his counselor and said “I had it all wrong. It’s not about the money, it’s about who you love and how you love them.” We could take some lessons from those who are in the last round.

When reflecting on this topic, it makes me think of the people in my own life who are still alive. Life can be so fragile and while at times I can think that we’re all immortal and will live forever, reality informs me that we all come and go in this life. The truth is, we just don’t know when that will be.

In an earlier blog, Ronald Pies, M.D. said, “having problems means being alive”. I’d like to add to that, “having problems with others means they are alive too.” Whether we are struggling with anxiety, depression, addiction, or illness, long before modern psychotherapy was even around, we came to understand that connection and support can be the most healing of all.

Sometimes we might hold a grudge or have not spoken to a loved one for quite a while over what seemed like an important dispute. We reactively dug our heels in the ground and decided to not speak to them. Meanwhile, we’re holding the discomfort inside, we’re the ones suffering.

Learning to let go of a grudge is not condoning what the other person has done. It is simply saying, I don’t want to hold onto this anymore.

We all have a terminal condition, its called life and we can take the word of those who have lived it a bit more often: “It’s about who you love and how you love them.”

Author Stephen Levine asks us to consider “If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say and why are you waiting?”

The present moment is really all we have, so who do you want to connect with today or this week. Make a list, even if it is only one person. What do you want to say and why are you waiting?

February 6, 2009 - 25 Epiphanies

1. The ego scares the hell out of me! The ego makes you insecure. The ego is the "thinker". It is very dangerous and powerful.



2. I will always be an owner! No matter what circumstance or what bad choice I've made, I will own it...I will never be a victim to it.



3. I believe that everyone is different and we all have our own lives, but it doesn't mean you should just push those people away who are different from you. But most people do...it's sad.



4. I like getting "out of the box"...do someting totally different than the norm. Do something that scares the crap out of me...just to see to what I can learn about myself.



5. I hope that I will always remain humble in this horrific society that we all live in.



6. I am really good friends with my ex boyfriend and his girlfriend, and I don't care what anyone else thinks about that!



7. People always say that they are living in the moment, but I really wonder sometimes do they even really know what that truly means? Go read The Power of Now by Eckert Tolle and get back to me.



8. I'm not sure about religion right now...I get confused...I do believe in a much greater, higher being and that this Universe is very mysterious and I listen to it when it talks to me...I am more of a spiritual person rather than religious.



9. I want to learn something new every day! :)



10. I like meeting new people. I could not imagine a life w/o meeting new people all the time.



11. Even though I like meeting new people and having tons of friends of all kinds and for different outlets in my life, I am really a loner and always have been.



12. I don't "subscribe to the magazine"...that everyone else does.



13. I long for a connection with the right man one day...but #12 restated - I don't "subscribe to the same magazine" as everyone else.



14. I believe people come into our lives for reasons we can't even begin to explain. They love us, they hurt us and they leave us. But we will always learn from these people.



15. I want to always be evolving into a new being every day, a better being.



16. I believe that nothing happens without personal transformation...you have to want it for yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. Take ownership! If you don't like something in your life, change it.



17. I am re-inventing myself (I'm referring to the reversal of the domestication process, not "finding myself") and have been for the last 2 1/2 years...i believe that I was domesticated as a little girl to believe things that society believes or things that my parents believed and not what I wanted to believe. I read The Four Agreements and am applying them to my life.



18. I am 100% complete already. I don't need anything else to complete ME...i don't need a man, a high salary, a nice car, awesome clothes, etc. I don't need to "find myself". I am already me, and that is enough.



19. I believe I am living the best years of my life at this very moment. :) At this moment, I am nothing more and nothing less. I am not thinking of the past and I am not worried about my future anymore. The Universe will take care of it. I am just living in the present moment.



20. "The only thing I fear is fear itself." However, true "courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway". No one truly ever conquers their fears. But I just hope that I will always keep pressing on...



21. Everything here is just temporary anyway!



22. I am not afraid to die. If I died today, I would be satisfied with my life so far. :) I would expect all my friends to throw a huge party!



23. I don't care about "fitting in"...besides it's too crowded in there!



24. Those who plant seeds of doubt are dangerous people!



25. ...the tension is here...between who you are and who you could be...between how it is and how it could be. I DARE you to move...like today never happened before! - Switchfoot

February 3, 2009

Worry and time have an inverse relationship. The more you have of one, the less you have of the other. Yet curiously, Sue, both are suspended when you live in the now.

As you were, The Universe

February 17, 2009

Until the really "great" stuff comes along, Sue, do the not-so-great stuff.
The not-so-great stuff always leads to the great stuff.
Whereas doing nothing pretty much leads to nowhere.
And do it with a passion

- The Universe

January 22, 2009 - Insanity is my Sanity

Everyone has quirks and little issues they deal with on a day to day basis. Everyone has to have some sort of vice to deal with everything that is handed down to them or shoved onto them.

One of those things that gets shoved on me a lot is fear. I have a lot of them. I have a lot of anxiety and self-doubt. I actually am starting to realize that I am normal though. If you don't have anxiety or self-doubts or get depressed ever or anything that society labels as "abnormal", then you are really the abnormal one, not me.

I am normal. :)

Or maybe the normal ones are just really dumbfounded...

Therefore my insanity IS my sanity!

AND I do things to overcome fears...and anxieties...and depression...sometimes my lows last longer than my highs...So I keep doing those things that make me high. And I keep doing those things that seem too physically challenging for someone like me...those things my rheumatologist told me I wouldn't be able to do.

I like to put myself in places that scare me. I want to feel what it is like. I want to see things and learn new things and evolve into a new person.

For those of you that read my blog that climb, you know what I am talking about. Or for those of you who have other vices in your life, you as well know what I'm talking about!

I found climbing a little over a year and a half ago. I think it saved my life. As well as some of the other things I am trying out now. I like putting myself out there and just to see what becomes of me. What can I learn this time about myself?

One of my goals for 2009 was to get on some ice. I have never ice climbed before. Of course, this was my first time and it was on top rope. It was awesome fun, and I ended up loving the hell out of it! :)

It was pretty damn cold...even though we were just at 215 in NC and top roping.

Yes, there's this hwy where ice comes in and everyone goes there to climb in NC. It looked pretty busy, just like a top rope crag does. However, it was actually nice b/c our guide knew a lot of the folks there. So we got to hop on a ton of routes already set up! I actually saw some folks I knew there too. It was awesome.

This is a crampon. It goes on the bottom of your boots, so you can climb on the ice:

See:

I learned a lot out there...it was fun too. Everyone I saw and met were all in good moods. They seemed so full of life. I didn't want the day to end. It was very uplifting.

Starting up my first route of the day:

Awesome fun! It was better than a punching bag! Instead it was like I was stabbing into ice...well, I was, really! lol I wish I could do it every time I had a bad day at work! lol

My hands and toes got so cold! When you come down, the blood rushes back into arms and you can get the screaming barfies. lol

It is really painful when the blood starts coming back into your arms and wrists. It's like needles being stabbed into your arms and toes. I would just keep moving my arms around to help the blood flow faster, etc. and keep warm. It helped a lot.

This was an amazing day!

I'm not sure if I want to do anything more than this on ice just yet. I'm not really a cold weather person...so me having tried this, was a feat in and of itself!

Yay! I tried it though...:)

"You'll never know unless you try."