Delve into 2012

As I have already delved into 2012, I have been asking myself this year, "What do I want this year?"  Here are 10 things (I might keep adding to this list):

1. I want to have integrity...always.  I don't want to compromise my integrity.  Why would you?  I must stay true to myself at my core.

2. Speaking of integrity, you have to know when to say "when". I'm tired of being in pain.  You must know when to stop.  My body needs a lot of healing right now.  "It is what it is, while it is."

3.  I want my confidence back.  It's time for the neuroticism to stop!  NO negative self talk.  Its time to walk away from fear...stop running away from it and yell back at it in its face!

4.  I want to be a grower instead of just a groomer!  I need to make certain things around my house priorities.  When you own a home, it is a responsibility.  You must make time for things.  Other things must wait sometimes.  I'm tired of being lazy around the house.  Just get it done Sue!  Suck it up and get it done.  Didn't you say something earlier about integrity?

5. I want to make my final decision on school, and be done with it.  I want to be happy with my decision...no more waning.

6. I want more SUP and more climbing.  I want new adventures.

7. I want to stop thinking less of myself and put more faith in me.  I am good enough, and I do deserve good things that come to me.  If others get jealous then so be it.  I'm not going to hate myself anymore or feel bad for their shortcomings.

8. I also want to put more faith in other people and learn to trust more and let people in.  I'm pretty open, but the walls are there!  (see #7)

9. I'm also done being taken advantage of. I want more backbone!  I want to stand up for myself more.

10. I want more love.  I want give more love, and I want to allow myself to receive more.

2011 in review

As I am pondering how I will delve into 2012, I'm reminded of 2011...it's small adventures and accomplishments.  This has been one eventful year!

2011 started off with me going back to school!  I have now finished 3 of my prerequisites. I'm a little bit closer to my goal.  It was tough to give up a lot of my personal time for school.  I just had to keep thinking about my future though...stay focused on the idea of a new career that I will be passionate about!  In the end, it will be so worth it!  I don't want to be that 45 year old woman who hates her job! I've actually enjoyed going back to school.  The material is very interesting. I've already done some observations/job shadowing, and I loved every minute of them. And of course, I'm still on the fence about which degree to get...but the PTA will be cheaper and will get me into the field faster!  Who knows?

Because of school and the interests I have, this year lead me to some workshops. I practice Anusara Yoga, and I believe it heals.  I completed an Insomnia/Anxiety workshop this year and a Therapeutics Level 1 workshop through Anusara Yoga.  I learned a ton of information that will be helpful in physical therapy. I am now registered for the Therapeutics Level 2 workshop!  :-)

yoga workshop on therapeutics

Speaking of yoga, I started off 2011 with a ton of yoga.  It really helps heal the body if you keep it up!  Right now, I am dealing with several different types of inflammations in my body, and yoga has been helping me.

Speaking in of inflammations and injury, I'm always inflamed somewhere.  I'm always tired or exhausted, and when I start a new workout, it seems to me my DOMS never goes away...like for 4 months, it is still there.  I started a boot camp this summer, and even though it was beating me into shape (yes, literally.  Just close your eyes and imagine...), I felt stronger at the end of the summer...however, i really never was able to fully recover after each workout before starting the next one.  My body hated me this summer.  At least I tried a boot camp.  Boot camps are HARD. Anyways, I had to eventually quit.  I'm searching now for a beginner type of boot camp for 2012.  However, I am proud of myself for sticking with the boot camp for as long as I did.  But at some point, I was gonna get injured if I kept on going like that!

Speaking of injury, I had my first real injury this year.  I fell on my outstretched hand back in August while walking Bigs (my dog).  I sprained my wrist, and then elbow tendonitis flared up!   I have lateral and medial epicondylitis.  (aka: tennis elbow and golfer's elbow)  It sux.  I have it in both elbows!  But it is worse in my left one, the arm that I fell on.  Very painful.

While in the midst of school this spring, I managed to still get out a few times and climb on the rock, mostly Pilot Mtn. and Crowder's.  I made several trips to Stone Summit in ATL., the nation's largest climbing gym.  It's more like a huge indoor crag!  It has a lot of moderates for me there that I can lead.  I love that gym!  This summer, I made it back to the New a couple of times and back to Pilot, and this fall, I finally got to go to Dixon Boulders.  I was able to successfully top out some V0s and V1s and try some V2s.  I didn't top out the V2s, but it was still fun to try.  I also got another trip to Pilot in this fall.

swimming in Summersville Lake at The New

Stone Summit

Stone Summit

Bouldering at Dixon

This summer was pretty awesome!  I bought a SUP board!  This is something I love to do now.  I was out on the lake a lot this summer on my board.  It is so peaceful out there.  I even did a sunset paddle.  AMAZING! It was fun to have something new in my life besides just climbing...another outlet!  I love to climb, but sometimes it gets old.  I have to have other outlets.  SUP works your entire body too!  FUN

For vacation this year, my friend Paul and I went to the Outerbanks, NC.  I had never been.  It was awesome.  It seemed like another world.  I truly relaxed while I was there.  Paul and I always have so much fun together!  We climbed the giant sand dunes, went horseback riding on the beach, tried SUP in the sound and jet skiing, walked and played with Bigs every morning and night, grilled out, partied our butts off by a bonfire on the beach, sight seeing, and tons of beach time!  It was awesome! 

Dorks!

Early Fall, I went with a group to FATS to ride the trail system there.  Crazy fun!  My first time there.  I was so scared but having fun all at the same time.  I had my first crash too...went over the handle bars!  I am proud of myself for not quitting and sticking with it.  It ended up being a super fun day!

I also went camping at Edisto Beach with my brother and his family this Fall.  It was an awesome weekend.  This was our first time all camping together as a family. Racoons invaded our campsite!  It was a wild weekend!

To end the year off with a blast, my friend, James, took me shooting for the first time.  It was intense and super addictive.  I AM definitely doing it again!

  I also learned a lot about family this year.  I learned more reasons as to what makes my Dad such an awesome man too!  I'm lucky and so blessed to have him as my Dad.

All in all, 2011 was a great year!  

I need to write more blogs!

Am I nerd if I am already starting to read Chapter 3 of the material for spring semester 2012?  I'm just excited and want to get ahead on my reading!

Anyway, I'm working on my 2011 year in review blog right now.  And working on my 2012 resolutions or desires rather.  

Tuesday night, I shot off a .40 pistol (or hand gun) for the first time.  I figured, why the hell not?  No sense in leaving 2011 w/o a loud bang!

Relax your shoulders, Sue

It was quite intense!  Not the same kind of intensity as a guy you date that is gaslighting all the time (from a recent article I just read), but more of a really cool intensity...as in, I REALLY WANT TO DO IT AGAIN!  Guns are scary...powerful.  I've always been a little scared to shoot, but it has been on my bucket list of things to try.  The coolest part: our targets were Zombies!!!

Winter is here now, and I can tell.  Not just because daylight hours are shorter and it is cold.  My body hurts!!!  It is time for more stretching and yoga now.  More massages, etc.  I call it winter maintenance!  Winter brings to me a stiff body!

I have registered for a Climbathon in 2012!  It is a fundraiser that will go on in March for Duke Ronald McDonald House.  I'm really excited.  I hope this stiff, tired body can get up those climbing walls!  

Speaking of climbing, I'm still not a 5.10 climber!  Maybe I never will be?  I have been climbing since 2007.  It is something I really love doing, but it is also something that frustrates me like nothing else has.  I've never really been athletic.  Most sport stuff comes hard for me.  When i was a little girl in PE classes, I would duck if a ball came towards my head, instead of trying to tap it over the net.  I was the last person chosen to be on a team.  However, I was pretty good at basketball in early middle school...my twin sister and i did basketball camp one summer, and I loved it.  I never kept with it though. (sigh)  And in the 6th grade, I won fastest sprinter in my homeroom class when we did the track and field portion of PE.  The coach asked my parents if my sister and I could try out for track the upcoming year, and they said no.  Our studies and grades were more important.  DARN!  Oh well...

Anyway, I may never be that person who will climb hard grades.  I guess that is ok.  I love climbing, and there are plenty of places i can go and climb beautiful 5.5's that are multi-pitch.  Leading is another thing that I haven't gotten back to yet.  I'm so scared to fall.  Climbing is fun and it challenges me, but not to the same extent as it does for others.  Mine is like, "Mom, look at me...I'm climbing!" as I reach the top of my 5.8 clean with quiet feet.  Others are like, "Goal accomplished, I led my first 5.12a today!"   

I've been finding that most things that are challenging in life aren't necessarily physical or intellectual...but more mental in the sense that you have to rule your mind or it will rule you!  I was so afraid to go back to school, and here I am already finished with 3 prerequisite courses!  2 Bs and 1 A later.  (In science!!!)  Also, just like anticipating that loud boom from a .40 hand gun!  It's all mental.  I don't want to be that scaredy cat who gives up.  I want confidence and I want to be able to push myself.  Maybe this is one thing I want more of for next year.

The Universe sent me a really cool message yesterday:  

Whatever your problem or challenge may be, Sue, laugh at it. Laugh long and hard. Because you are forever and it is temporary. Love you, The Universe

Don't let anyone tell you different!

LOVE these lyrics!

"I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive

I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise

To fly, to fly

Everybody wanna try to box me in
Suffocating every time it locks me in
Paint their own pictures, then they crop me in
But I will remain where the top begins

'Cause I am not a word, I am not a line
I am not a girl that can ever be defined
I am not fly, I am levitation
I represent an entire generation

I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive
I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise
To fly, to fly

Get ready for it, get ready for it, get ready for it
I came to win"
 
- Nicki Minaj

so true...

from a love song

"my greatest fear is that you'll crash and burn before I have a chance to feel your fire."

Matters of the Heart

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle."

- Steve Jobs.

OBX Vacation

Vacation this year was in the OBX (outer banks, nc) August 2011.

I vacationed with my friend Paul again this year.  We had so much fun in Kauai last year together, we decided to do it again this year!

The sound in Manteo on Roanoke Island



We stayed in Manteo.  It is located on Roanoke Island.  We wanted to be away from tourists and not right on the beach.  We figured we would be doing a lot of day trips anyway to see all of the Outer Banks! That is exactly what we did.  It was still a bit too hot to camp, and the bugs were bad.

Our first day on a beach there was at Coquina Beach on Hwy.12.  Hwy. 12 is the Cape Hatteras National Seashore.  It is a beautiful drive.  Each day we would drive down to different portions of the outer banks by way of Hwy 12.

After our first day at Coquina, we explored Hwy 12 and drove to Pea Island and ate dinner in Rodanthe.  There are many places to pull off on the side of the road and take gorgeous photos.  The sand dunes separating us from the beach were absolutely amazing!

On the way back, we caught an awesome sunset at Pea Island National Reserve while hiking a little nature trail.



Coquina Beach is where we spent most of our beach days!  It was closer and not swarmed with tourists!  Coquina was really nice...huge beach area for playing frisbee...not a lot of people and no homes there.

Footprints on Coquina Beach

In fact, our last night in the outer banks, we had a bonfire on Coquina Beach!



bonfire party on Coquina Beach



Early in the week, we drove down to Cape Hatteras and took the ferry over to Ocracoke Island.  We spent the entire day on the beach there in Ocracoke!  Amazing!  We basically had this enormous beach all to ourselves!  I like beaches with no houses around and not a whole of people.

We played frisbee and boogie boarded all day!  The waves were a lot larger in the outer banks earlier in the week from a front that had come through.  However, the water was warmer there at Ocracoke than it was at Coquina Beach.



the beach at Ocracoke

The ferry ride back to Hatteras was amazing.  We both enjoyed another sunset!



sunset on the ferry back to Hatteras from Ocracoke

  

The middle of the week brought us to Equine Adventures.  We rode horses on the beach down in Frisco!

the beach at Frisco



the beach at Frisco



The sand dunes in Kitty Hawk were amazing as well.



kite flyer



hang gliders



one enormous mound of sand



Paul and Sue



Fun with my camera on Coquina Beach:



Paul taking en evening dip!





This year's vacation was awesome!  I relaxed and set myself free...so much that it was really hard to come back home!

Words of Wisdom from TUT

In life, Sue, you can only be scared when you believe in limits.

You can only ever feel lonely when you stop doing things.

You can only ever become bored when you no longer follow your heart.

And you can only ever get overwhelmed when you think the illusions are real.

Whew! Who knew it could be so easy to get back on track???

And, Sue, it only ever seems hard when you rush yourself!

- The Universe

12 Rules for Building Self-Confidence

So I am reading a new book. 
The 12 rules are:
1. Focus on your potential instead of your limitations.
2.  Determine to know the truth about yourself.
3.  Distinguish between who you are and what you do. 
4.  Find something you like to do and do well, and go do it over and over. 
5.  Replace self-criticism with regular, positive self-talk. 
6.  Replace fear of failure with clear pictures of yourself functioning successfully and happily. 
7.  Dare to be a little eccentric. 
8.  Make the best possible peace with your parents.
9.  Determine to integrate the body and spirit. 
10.  Determine to live above neurotic guilt. 
11.  Cultivate people who help you grow.
12.  Refuse to allow rejection to keep you from taking the initiative with people.

Anyway, so I'm ready for what this book has to offer and how i can learn from it.

Test Yourself and Be Free

I really love SUP!  I have never felt so peaceful and relaxed as I am when I am on my SUP board.  It is one thing that I do that I am not afraid of.  I don't get stressed out or tense.  It's just natural for me.

Yesterday I put in late on the lake.  I wanted to see the sunset.  It was beautiful!  I just sit out there on my board watching the sunset.  Words cannot describe.

Just gorgeous!

SUP has been the highlight of my summer this year.  It is a full-body workout, but it is so peaceful and relaxing at the same time.

My goals

...are mine.  (not yours)

If you don't believe in me then that is your problem.  I believe in myself.  I know I can do it. That is all that matters to me.

I KNOW i can hike 30 miles on the Art Loeb, and I will do it.  I want my legs stronger and my cardio better.  I'm still working on it.   I will get there.

I'm not a quitter.  I like challenges, and I like to have fun!  AND i AM a good leader too...leaders get scared too. 

I try hard not to compare myself to others.  How dare you compare me to someone else?

This hike is just a personal goal of mine for fun...it is not a competition or a military endeavor!  Just something I want to see if I can do.

Also, getting in shape and working out, for me, is not a competition.  It's a lifestyle.  It's fun.

I also believe the world would be a much better place if people had more patience.

AND...I'm proud of myself!!!

"It's ok, Sue, you're just building character right now."

These were the words of my climbing partner to me after I'd finished my struggle to reach the belay station of the 3rd pitch of the Green Route (5.7 trad multi pitch) at Seneca Rocks, West Virginia in 2008.

Upon reaching the belay station, I was speechless.  I had many different and strange emotions going through my mind and my heart.  My partner (or rope gun rather) had asked me, "Are you alright?"  As soon as I heard his words, the tears came.  I felt embarrassed.  He immediately smiled and gave me a big hug.  I told him I had no clue why I was crying and that I felt really embarrassed.  I told him it was beautiful up there, and that I could not believe I made it.  It was a hard route, and I was scared.  Even though I was following and cleaning gear, I was really exposed.  It was a bit unnerving.  I also felt high and giddy.  I started laughing while i was crying.  I was excited, and it was all so beautiful up there.  I was so glad that pitch was done, and I wanted to be off of that mountain.  At the same time, I was elated to be up there.

I found a link today from Expand Outdoors, of course.
Strength of Tears

I wanted to share it.  It brought back so many moments I remembered of when I had cried in the outdoors.  It also brought back memories of when I have not cried and had been in similar or rather more unnerving situations.  Why cry in some and not others? 

I tend to cry when I have struggled for something so hard and finally reach my goal.  I have also cried when I was scared...and sometimes when things are just amazing.

Last summer, a friend and I went to the island of Kauai.  I had trained all summer long to hike the Kalalau Trail.  11 miles in and 11 miles out.  No loop.  It is an in and out trail.  22 miles total.  We decided to backpack it though.  We would hike 11 miles in and camp, spend the next day on the famous beach there and then hike 11 miles back.  Anyway, this would be the longest and farthest I'd ever hiked in one day.

The hike was gorgeous needless to say!  On mile 10, I was in a lot of pain.  My knees were killling me.  We had hiked downhill for 4 miles...steep sustained downhill. I have a tracking issue with my knee caps (lateral maltracking of the patella).  It is caused from muscular imbalances in the muscles surrounding the knee joint.  It is more of a condition rather than an injury.

At the end of mile 10, we reached the river.  There were campsites there.  We could go another mile to the beach and camp there.  Both of us were tired, frustrated, and we needed to rest and eat.  We decided to make camp there. It was already approaching 8 pm by the time we filtered our water. 

Before we made camp, I told my partner I needed 10 minutes.  I left him and found a big rock to sit on alone, and I cried.  I could not believe I had just hiked 10 miles of a very strenuous trail.  I couldn't believe I was on such an awesome vacation.  The beauty of Kauai!  And my knees hurt like hell!!!  I was in so much pain!  I never really trained for that much downhill.  My quads were weak too, and I knew nothing about the downhill.  Quads are the primary movers for downhill.  Thank God for Aleve!  Hahahaha

Anyway, I sobbed for about 10 minutes.  It felt really good.  After that, I was fine.  I just needed to get it out and not in front of Paul. I went back to camp and set up my tent and ate dinner with Paul.  He asked if I was ok, and I said yes.  That was it.  He knew what was going on but never brought it up again.

Sometimes a girl just needs a good cry!

On My Own Now!

I've been working out with a trainer this summer and had started her boot camp in July.

She is no longer teaching the 6:30 am class. To my knowledge, there is not a sub for the rest of eternity.  And I cannot be there for the 5 am class.  That is just way too early.  I'm sorry, but I've got to have some limitations!

Besides, I'm already pushing it with the 6:30 am class anyway.  Now that school has started back, it is very difficult with all of that traffic to make it back to my house, shower and get ready for work and be there by 8:30.  I'm late.  I need a 6 am class.

And sometimes, the intensity of boot camp is a bit much for me.  I just don't really feel like I have dry heave in order to get in shape!  And my recovery time has been really sucking lately.  I literally sometimes cannot move the next day!  I have FMS, so I need the recovery.

I am starting my own workout now. Today was my first day.  I refuse to stop.  I'm not giving up, and I won't get lazy again. My own workouts may not be as intense as her boot camps were, but I'm using everything I learned in there.  I'm taking advantage of that knowledge.

This is what I did today:

ran .5 miles on treadmill at speed of 6

30 squats
lunges across the room and then back across (a big room)
25 box jumps
30 squats

.5 miles (6 minutes) on stair climber at highest level for half and lowered to level 8

25 push-ups
25 dips
25 bicep curls with overhead press (10 lbs. free weights)
25 upright rows (5 lbs. free weights)

6 minutes on the stair climber at level 8

30 squats
25 push-ups
30 squats
25 dips

6 minutes on stair climber at level 8

Abs:
50 scissor kicks
50 russian twists
50 crunches with legs straight up in the air
50 knees in and out while sitting on sitbones with hands out behind you on the floor (whatever these are called)

Then I stretched.  This is something I also don't have time to do after the boot camp classes.  I don't really have time.  It sux.  I need to stretch.  I get really stiff easily b/c of my FMS, and I HAVE to stretch!  A lot!  When i can't stretch, and I have to go sit at a desk for 7 hrs after a strenuous workout, it really isn't good for me.

So that was my first workout on m own.  Let's see how it goes.  It takes so long to get back in shape again!  I don't want to lose what I have learned this summer.

Oh yeah, I also topped out a V1 overhanging boulder problem last night in the gym!  :-)