January 21, 2009 - The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways

Thank You Too lyrics byMy Morning Jacket

Really didn't think i was gonna make it
Really didn't think i was gonna make it this way
put on my robot face
had my emotions way far away from me

oh you really saw my naked heart
you really brought out the naked part
I don’t know what you were doing
I know I just want to thank you for thinking of me

I want to take you for all that you are
although our worlds seem far apart
I want to see you for all that you do
I want to thank you

it was strange and it was soothing
and you could even say amusing, the way it came to me
you devised a simple plan that would change the fate of man
you thought of everything

oh you really saw my naked heart
you really brought out the naked part
I don’t know what you were doing
I know I just want to thank you for thinking of me

I want to take you for all that you are
although our worlds seem far apart
I want to see you for all that you do
I want to thank you

I want to take you for all that you are
although our worlds seem far apart
I want to see you for all that you do

I want to thank you

January 2009 - New Years!!!

Right after the new year started, I drove up to Maryland and visited an old friend.

It was so good to see him. :)

The first day, we went to PA to the WhiteTail Ski Resort. I snowboarded for the first time ever!

Hilarious day! Me after a long day of falling:
(hahahahaha)

Carnage shots! Gotta love 'em!

It was a blast! I have never fallen so many times. lol

Finally getting the hang of it here a bit:

I never realized falling could be so funny!

We only had one day there, so I didn't really get to learn as much as I had hoped I would. The only way for me to stop was to fall down...I did not learn how to stop and could not get my turns down either! It usually takes like 3-4 days to pick it up, so I hear.

It was a lot of fun though :)

Mettler (His name is Andy but I call him Mett or Mettler) picks up things really fast! He caught on really quick.

Mett:

Me:

And I have never been so sore the next day either!!! I was hurting! OUCH!

The next day, we went into DC. He lives really close to everything. It was great! It was COLD too!

Waiting on the train:

We went to the Holocaust museum. I have been to DC several times as a young girl with my folks. We had been to most of the museums and such, but this museum is new....for me at least. Sounds depressing, but I really learned a lot in there. There was so much going on back then that I never learned in school......or don't remember learning. I didn't realize some of the stuff that happened.....it was an interesting museum. I really felt stupid going through there....there was so much shit that happened during that time period. I can't even fathom...and I can't believe how much of it I did not even know either.

It takes a long time to go through all of the museums. We were in there the whole day almost.

Then we just walked around downtown and near the monuments, etc.

December 31, 2008

There are so many more climbing trips and river trips, etc. with friends that I did not blog about this year. Since I have been on Facebook, I have gotten lazy about my blogs and I just post up pics on there now.

I'll try to be better about getting to my blogs again!

December 31, 2008 - Already in the Makings!

My new year is already off with a bang! :)

I'm driving up to Maryland tomorrow to see a good friend of mine. We are driving to PA to go snowboarding on Friday. On Saturday, we are going into DC! I cannot wait! It's going to be so much fun!

I have never been snowboarding before, and I haven't been to DC since I was a little girl.

I hope everyone has an awesome New Years!

December 31, 2008 - Trouble Me by 10,000 Maniacs

Trouble me... disturb me with all your cares and your worries.
Trouble me... on the days when you feel spent.
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden
when my back is sturdy and strong?
Trouble me.

Speak to me... don't mislead me, the calm I feel means a storm is swelling.
Speak to me... there's no telling where it starts or how it ends.
Speak to me... why are you building this thick brick wall to defend me
Speak to me... when your silence is my greatest fear?
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden
when my back is sturdy and strong?
Speak to me.

Let me... have a look inside these eyes while I'm learning.
Let me... please don't hide them just because of tears.
Let me... send you off to sleep with a
"There, there, now stop your turning and tossing."
Let me... let me know where the hurt is and how to heal.

Spare? Spare me? Don't spare me anything troubling.
Trouble me... disturb me with all your cares and you worries.
Speak to me... and let our words build a shelter from the storm.
Let me... And lastly, let me know what I can mend.
There's more, honestly, than my sweet friend, you can see.
Trust is what I'm offering if you trouble me

December 30, 2008

Life is one enormous playground! Have fun!

December 19, 2008 - Lost by Coldplay

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

December 15, 2008 - What's so Great about Tomorrow?

So, I have been pondering my New Year's Resolution...

I think one of mine will be to take things less seriously. If I don't fit into someone's mold, who cares?

"Reality isn't black and white, answers don't have to be yes or no, and absolutely nothing has to happen today. I will act when I'm ready. Be led by my feelings. And the next time someone wants to fit me into a mold, I'll just tell 'em that my jeans are in the wash, my angel's at the mall, and Oprah's on the other line." (my TUT Universe message for the day in my inbox this morning)

"Every breath is a 2nd chance...to give your mood a makeover...to break out of an old holding pattern...to cultivate compassion from the inside out...to change the plot of your life story...to do a somersault...to give wings to your grounded dreams..." (the cover of Skirt Magazine)

As we all think about our new year resolutions, just remember this:
"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." - Lucy Maud Montgomery

I love Skirt Magazine!!! :)

December 14, 2008 - Just Another Day in My Blog

Humans make mistakes, right? In fact, that is really how we learn is from the mistakes we make along the way.

I made one a few days ago, and I broke one of The Four Agreements in the process.

I assumed. The Third Agreement is: Don't Make Assumptions.

I let a 'judger' get in my way, and I let that parasite cloud my own judgment! And then I became a victim, and I blamed someone for my hurt.

I'm a spiritual person…not religious but pretty spiritual. And I really believe in the Toltec's wisdom of the Four Agreements. And I feel pretty bad to have broken one of them.

Some of what I'm about to write is taken directly our of the book, The Four Agreements. Some of it is paraphrased or my own words. But I want to share with folks out there about this important agreement. And you should go read this book if you haven't already. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

We all have a tendency to make assumptions….about everything! If the cashier at the store is in a bad mood, we tend to get all pissed off thinking that she is pissed at us or being rude to us. But what if she just found out her dog died? We should not assume anything about her. If someone you tells you something, a secret/rumor, we should not assume it is true.

The huge issue with assumptions is that we take them personally. We take them personally b/c we actually believe it is real or that it is the truth. If you do not assume things, then you wouldn't take everything so personally…and you wouldn't blame anyone for anything, and then your life would be so much more merrier. You could be an owner!!! An owner of your own emotions! An owner of your spirit.

I really hate drama. There are so many people out there though that seem to love it. They live for it. Maybe that is why so many people love reality television. They live for other people's drama. However, drama causes emotional poison.

True, life is full of drama. But in reality, drama is really only how you perceive it to be. We control our emotions. We can change our own perceptions. Sure, we cannot control everything or anyone around us, but we can control how we are going to react. It is a choice. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to suffer. As harsh as that may sound, it is true. I see kids with cancer who are so happy…they are smiling. Deep down they suffer from a horrible disease, but they are owners of their spirit, and they are not victims. If they can still be happy, then why can't we? People take for granted all kinds of shit!

Ok, back to the real subject at hand….sorry!

One way to create drama is to gossip. I hate gossip and I can't stand it when people do it. Do you not have anything else better to do in your life besides sit around and talk about other people? I know that I am guilty too. I'm not perfect, but gossip really sux. It can cause a lot of heartache for the ones who are involved, and it is ugly. It hurts people.

People will believe or rather assume the gossip is true because they are afraid to ask for clarification. Instead people believe the gossip. They assume it is true, they believe they are right so they defend their assumptions by blaming someone else for it. Why couldn't they just ask that person?

Assuming things makes us suffer...it clouds your judgment. It is better to ask questions, instead of assume. And just as that holds true in relationships, it holds true at work too, right? If you don't ask questions and you just assume things, you probably aren't going to get the job done right.

When you make assumptions, you are only asking for problems. In relationships, it leads to a lot of fights, a lot of difficulties, a lot of misunderstandings…

Humans have the need to justify everything. Why? Why do we need to be validated all the time?

'Often when you go into a relationship, you have to justify why you like that person. You only see what you want to see and deny the things you don't want to see. You lie to yourself to make yourself right. (Another interesting fact after the first 3 months of dating...you start really seeing the real person...for who they really are) Then you make assumptions, and one of them is, 'My love will change this person. But this is not true. Your love doesn't change anyone! If someone changes, it is only b/c that person wants to change, not b/c you want them to. Then something happens between the two of you, and you get hurt. Suddenly you see what you didn't want to see before. But now, it is amplified by your own emotional poison. Now you have to be validated and so you blame them for your own choices.'

'Real love is accepting other people the way they are…without trying to change them. If you try to change someone, it means you don't really like them.'

'If others feel they have to change you, that really means they don't love you just the way you are.' I refuse to date someone or even have friends in my life who try to change me.

If I have to be someone else, then that means I am fake…I am a false image. I don't want to represent a false image. I am who I am. If you don't like it, then fuck off! I really admire people who live with this principle. It is hard. It is so hard to be this way…to not worry what other people will think of you…to wonder what they are saying behind your back. It is so rare to meet someone who actually loves you for you! This is something i really need to work on is not caring what others think and just focus on being me. I let others be who they are, right? So why do I always end up apologizing for who I am?

I really hate it when people judge me or people try to change who I am. Therefore I would never try to do that to someone else. Besides, I wouldn't want to date someone just like me…I would never learn anything new from that person. I don't want to control anyone or change them.

I can't stand it when folks tell me rumors about someone…if you don't know if it is true, you shouldn't be repeating it. Never assume anything. And why do people always seem to start shit, and then end it all by saying, 'Well, I just don't want to be in the middle of it.' Well, why did you start it in the first place?

I also can't stand it when folks are passive aggressive…or try to use that shit on me. I am blunt, so if something I say rubbed you the wrong way, then just ask me straight up about it. Don't assume that I am angry at you or don't assume that I'm in a bad mood, etc. ,etc. I would rather be brutally honest or hear brutal honesty than for someone to be passive aggressive. Passive aggressive behavior means you assume things, and that means you take things personally. Not everything is about YOU!

'Find your voice and ask for what you want.'

'Ask questions, and you won't assume things. Make sure communication is clear. If you don't understand something, ask! Never assume you know everything there is to know about a given situation.' The odds are that you never will.

The Four Agreements are:
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make assumptions
4. Always do your best

December 10, 2008 - Amos Lee's Bottom of the Barrel

"Bottom Of The Barrel"

I keep on livin',
to keep from cryin'.
I keep on dreamin',
to keep from dyin'.
I keep on trying,
I aint gonna stop.

Get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.

We all know someone,
whos always hurtin',
The sun is shinin',
they draw the curtain.
One thing for certain,
the pain aint gonna stop.

You get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.

Cuz i know the grass,
is always greener in someone else's yard.
And the world is so much meaner,
when your heart is hard.

I go out walkin',
in any season.
It could be rainin',
it could be freezin'.
I don't need no reason,
it's just so pleasin'.
And i can't stop.

You get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.

November 26, 2008 - Ten Things by Paul Baribeau

name ten things you wanna do before you die and then go do them.
name ten places you really wanna be before you die and then go to them
name ten books you wanna read before you die and then go read them
name ten songs you wanna hear again before you die, get all of your friends together and scream them

because right now all you have is time time time yeah,
but someday that time will run out.
that's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.

think of all the things that are wrong with your life and then fix them
think of all the things that you love about your life, be thankful you are blessed with them
think of all the things that hold you back and realize that you don't need them
think of all the mistakes you have made in your life, make sure that you never repeat them

because right now all you have is time time time yeah,
but someday that time will run out.
that's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.

name ten thousand reasons why you never wanna die, go and tell someone who might've forgotten
try to list the endless reasons why it's good to be alive, and then just smile for awhile about them

soon the sun will rise and another day will come
soon enough the sun will set, another day will be gone

and right now all you have is time time time yeah,
but someday that time will run out.
that's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.

October 31, 2008

The marathon was last weekend. I ended up raising a total of $1960. All together, we raised 2.8 million dollars!

All of this money stays in NC and SC. It goes to breast cancer research to help find a cure for future generations, to minority women, to uninsured women, to help educate women on getting exams and about prevention, etc., etc.

I walked beside great women that weekend. I walked with survivors and women who have breast cancer. I walked with women who have moms with breast cancer. And I walked with women who lost their moms to breast cancer. All of the stories touched me.

One girl, I met who was walking alone said her mother had been diagnosed twice. She was on chemo now, and the first time her mother went through chemo, her father died. Just really sad. It seemed all my problems just melted away.

Mile 26 on the first day:

This was probably one of the hardest things I've done yet in my life.

Me at the finish:

The second day was the half marathon, and it was over.

Me signing the participant banner:

My parents were there to support me. They showed up at a few of the cheering stations. It ended up being a great weekend, even though we all started off in the rain Saturday morning.

It was long and tiring. But every step was so worth it!

October 2008 - sad

I heard a rumor that my gym is closing down. I'm really in the dumps about it.

I know I am whining, but I really love the gym I go to. It's like family in there.

It has classes, weights and weight machines, etc. and 2 boulder rooms and climbing walls! No other gym in Columbia has climbing.

This gym basically saved my life. I was at a turning point in my life and decided to make some changes, and I rejoined at Stronghold again.

That is where I did my trapeze lessons too.

Stronghold is the only gym I've been to where it feels like home. Everyone is friendly...like family. You don't have to have this perfect type body to work out there either. I hate those kind of gyms. Stuck up perfect body types in there only. Yuk! Spa type gyms! Ugh!

Stronghold is like Cheers for me, where everybody knows my name.

You don't get that type of treatment anywhere else.

I've made a ton of friends there climbing and in my yoga classes.

I am so depressed right now. I spend a lot of my free time in this place. It is my saving grace. I escape reality there. I can't imagine my life without this gym!

I try to be postive about things in my life. I know things could be so much worse. I know there are people dying in 3rd world countries and people who don't even have climbing gyms near them at all. BUT this is real to me too. This is something real that is happening to me, and I can be sad about it, right?

I feel exhausted over it. I am so sad.

Anyway, it is breaking my heart! I hope this is just one sorry ass rumor!!!

October 15, 2008

I have some good news!

I have raised more than my goal for my marathon! :)

My goal was to raise $1800 minimum. I have raised $1860 so far!

I am walking a marathon and a half October 25 & 26. It will be 39+ miles!

I am raising funds along with a thousand others for the fight against breast cancer...to help minorites w/ breast cancer...to help educate about breast cancer...for research for a cure...etc., etc.

It's a great cause! I'm so glad to be able to walk for this and be part of such an awesome event!

I am lucky in a lot of ways in my life. Having had FMS since I was 25, I am lucky to do a lot of the things I do. A lot of women with FMS my age are already disabled. I can participate in this, I rock climb, I mow my own yard and trim the hedges, etc., I work out. It hurts but I keep moving.

But what I have is nothing compared to what breast cancer patients have or go through!!! I am very fortunate to be able to walk for this cause, and since I can, I am! These women are fighters. Breast cancer is a huge struggle that I can't even fathom.

I hope that in my life that no matter what kind of pain I have or what ails me or how scared I might be, that I will always have the courage to "saddle up".

October 2008

I had the most amazing time this weekend!!!

Me on top of Hanging Rock:

This weekend, Kevin and I climbed together at Moore's Wall in NC on Saturday.

He is leading trad now. I have been climbing off and on with him and Richard all summer. It's been a ton of fun. I have learned so much from both of them.

I like cleaning trad. It's fun and challenging.

Me on Wailing Wall:

Sunday, we just hung around and took awesome pics up at Hanging Rock. We just goofed around all day. So much fun!



I love my climbing partners that I have. :)