I've had enough too...

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/3-small-steps-toward-rebuilding-your-confidence/

Thanks TUT!

Fast takes longer when you hurry, Sue.
Keep calm and saunter on,

The Universe

And slow, Sue, gets faster when you're happy.

I truly believe this to be true on so many levels.

Almost There

The difference between being moments away from a big, HUGE dream coming true, Sue, rather than light-years, lies in physically behaving, day by day, as if the dream were real, and all else was a dream.

Really,
The Universe

I am getting there!

Shake the burden that comes from seeing your baby steps, Sue, as a necessary discipline.

See them, instead, as optional dance moves, in life's conga line, that spark miracles, open floodgates, and lead to the near effortless manifestations of identity, my re-creations.

Day-o!

The Universe

Hello!

Dear blog,

It's been awhile.  How are you? 

Me?  I am recovering at the moment from being dumped by someone that I haven't even met yet!  We were supposed to meet this weekend in Charlotte at the White Water Center (yep, we were gonna mtn bike and SUP and do adventures all day), however, he has already met someone else. They have been out on a few dates. He says that things are going well, and he wants to see where it will go with this person.  As my heart sank into my stomach (because I was so excited about meeting him...he was funny and sparks were there on the phone....and maybe the chance to fall in love and have some sex again, b/c Lord knows I'll be an old lady before that ever happens again), I told him, "Wow, ok.  That's cool.  I understand. No worries.  It's all good.  Good luck, and I hope everything works out.  I sincerely mean that too.  You seemed really nice and you were really funny."  He replies, "Thanks! It kinda sucks 'cause I was looking forward to meeting you."  WTF???  (eye roll) I'm thinking in my mind, "well, you still can"!  He went on a few dates with one girl!!!  He hasn't even met me yet?  How does he know that he wouldn't like me better?  AND how does it suck?  I thought he just said he liked that person and wanted to see where it would go?  FUCK Match.com and screw dating!  Honestly, I have way more fun as a single person.

It's been awhile since I posted here...I finished out my spring semester with an A in Anatomy & Physiology II and an A in Statistics for the summer.  Yeah, my summer pretty much sucked.  That is one class I never want to take again!  I have finished my prereqs for the Physical Therapy Assistant program.  I have applied and am now just waiting.  Please God let there be an interview letter for me mailed on February 1st!  I really want to start school in the Fall next year!

Even though my summer sucked, I was able to sneak in a trip to Colorado and visit some friends.  And after summer school, I went to the FL Keys!

Maybe I will write some posts about my trips soon?  Hmmm...

A Letter from a Groomer

Dear Grower,

Hey!  After talking to you last night, I realized some things.  :-)

I need to stop putting off my yard!  It's overwhelming and very challenging, but I can do it.  Afterall, I like challenges.

I can learn more about my yard and just suck it up and go do it.  I mean, I do like doing some of it...I just gotta make time to do it.  Time is money.  If i make time to do my yard then I will save money from hiring you to do it.  I know that doesn't sound fair to you right now, but hear me out.

I am more than capable of doing my own yard!  I watched a video this morning on Facebook of this man in Africa (I think it was Africa) who made wooden stools with his feet.  Yes, he makes them all with his feet because he cannot use hands anymore.  He doesn't have use of his upper limbs.  He makes these stools (with his feet) and sells them to make a living.  I really have no more excuses when you think about it.

Last night when we spoke about the yard, you told me you thought i was a rad chic!  Today, as I look at my yard, I don't feel so rad.  I feel lazy!  To own a home means responsibilities.  Some folks can afford to hire help, but I really can't.  So why?  I need to suck it up and make time for my yard instead of always putting it off.  I'm gonna own this yard instead of being a victim to it!

I'm so glad you came out here to look at the yard and talk to me.  It was actually a nice visit as we talked about sooo many different things.  We also have a lot in common.

I'm so sorry I wasted your Friday evening!  I'm also sorry that you will not be getting this job now. I hope you are not angry at me, but instead are glad that our talk made an impression on me.

Sincerely,

The Groomer

Don't stop believing; don't stop doing!

Sue, if you could take a daily pill that would profoundly speed-up the manifestation of all your dreams, would you take it without fail?

I thought so.

What if it was a big, ugly pill that took 5 minutes to dissolve on your tongue, and it tasted like medicine. Would you still do it?

Yes, all of your dreams...

Thought so.

But what if during those 5 minutes each day you couldn't watch TV, or talk with friends, or distract yourself in any way from your chore?

Wow, you must really want a fabulous identity, my re-creation, and all those other awesome life changes!

OK, what if you could skip the pill bit entirely, but instead you had to set aside 5 minutes a day to visualize, in a dark and quiet room, seeing your life unfold as if all your dreams were coming true, and for good measure you had to say or do something, each day, that implied the same?

No, you can't go back to the pill idea.

Yours,
The Universe

TRX in the house!!!

Bring it!!!

Priorities

Delve into 2012

As I have already delved into 2012, I have been asking myself this year, "What do I want this year?"  Here are 10 things (I might keep adding to this list):

1. I want to have integrity...always.  I don't want to compromise my integrity.  Why would you?  I must stay true to myself at my core.

2. Speaking of integrity, you have to know when to say "when". I'm tired of being in pain.  You must know when to stop.  My body needs a lot of healing right now.  "It is what it is, while it is."

3.  I want my confidence back.  It's time for the neuroticism to stop!  NO negative self talk.  Its time to walk away from fear...stop running away from it and yell back at it in its face!

4.  I want to be a grower instead of just a groomer!  I need to make certain things around my house priorities.  When you own a home, it is a responsibility.  You must make time for things.  Other things must wait sometimes.  I'm tired of being lazy around the house.  Just get it done Sue!  Suck it up and get it done.  Didn't you say something earlier about integrity?

5. I want to make my final decision on school, and be done with it.  I want to be happy with my decision...no more waning.

6. I want more SUP and more climbing.  I want new adventures.

7. I want to stop thinking less of myself and put more faith in me.  I am good enough, and I do deserve good things that come to me.  If others get jealous then so be it.  I'm not going to hate myself anymore or feel bad for their shortcomings.

8. I also want to put more faith in other people and learn to trust more and let people in.  I'm pretty open, but the walls are there!  (see #7)

9. I'm also done being taken advantage of. I want more backbone!  I want to stand up for myself more.

10. I want more love.  I want give more love, and I want to allow myself to receive more.

2011 in review

As I am pondering how I will delve into 2012, I'm reminded of 2011...it's small adventures and accomplishments.  This has been one eventful year!

2011 started off with me going back to school!  I have now finished 3 of my prerequisites. I'm a little bit closer to my goal.  It was tough to give up a lot of my personal time for school.  I just had to keep thinking about my future though...stay focused on the idea of a new career that I will be passionate about!  In the end, it will be so worth it!  I don't want to be that 45 year old woman who hates her job! I've actually enjoyed going back to school.  The material is very interesting. I've already done some observations/job shadowing, and I loved every minute of them. And of course, I'm still on the fence about which degree to get...but the PTA will be cheaper and will get me into the field faster!  Who knows?

Because of school and the interests I have, this year lead me to some workshops. I practice Anusara Yoga, and I believe it heals.  I completed an Insomnia/Anxiety workshop this year and a Therapeutics Level 1 workshop through Anusara Yoga.  I learned a ton of information that will be helpful in physical therapy. I am now registered for the Therapeutics Level 2 workshop!  :-)

yoga workshop on therapeutics

Speaking of yoga, I started off 2011 with a ton of yoga.  It really helps heal the body if you keep it up!  Right now, I am dealing with several different types of inflammations in my body, and yoga has been helping me.

Speaking in of inflammations and injury, I'm always inflamed somewhere.  I'm always tired or exhausted, and when I start a new workout, it seems to me my DOMS never goes away...like for 4 months, it is still there.  I started a boot camp this summer, and even though it was beating me into shape (yes, literally.  Just close your eyes and imagine...), I felt stronger at the end of the summer...however, i really never was able to fully recover after each workout before starting the next one.  My body hated me this summer.  At least I tried a boot camp.  Boot camps are HARD. Anyways, I had to eventually quit.  I'm searching now for a beginner type of boot camp for 2012.  However, I am proud of myself for sticking with the boot camp for as long as I did.  But at some point, I was gonna get injured if I kept on going like that!

Speaking of injury, I had my first real injury this year.  I fell on my outstretched hand back in August while walking Bigs (my dog).  I sprained my wrist, and then elbow tendonitis flared up!   I have lateral and medial epicondylitis.  (aka: tennis elbow and golfer's elbow)  It sux.  I have it in both elbows!  But it is worse in my left one, the arm that I fell on.  Very painful.

While in the midst of school this spring, I managed to still get out a few times and climb on the rock, mostly Pilot Mtn. and Crowder's.  I made several trips to Stone Summit in ATL., the nation's largest climbing gym.  It's more like a huge indoor crag!  It has a lot of moderates for me there that I can lead.  I love that gym!  This summer, I made it back to the New a couple of times and back to Pilot, and this fall, I finally got to go to Dixon Boulders.  I was able to successfully top out some V0s and V1s and try some V2s.  I didn't top out the V2s, but it was still fun to try.  I also got another trip to Pilot in this fall.

swimming in Summersville Lake at The New

Stone Summit

Stone Summit

Bouldering at Dixon

This summer was pretty awesome!  I bought a SUP board!  This is something I love to do now.  I was out on the lake a lot this summer on my board.  It is so peaceful out there.  I even did a sunset paddle.  AMAZING! It was fun to have something new in my life besides just climbing...another outlet!  I love to climb, but sometimes it gets old.  I have to have other outlets.  SUP works your entire body too!  FUN

For vacation this year, my friend Paul and I went to the Outerbanks, NC.  I had never been.  It was awesome.  It seemed like another world.  I truly relaxed while I was there.  Paul and I always have so much fun together!  We climbed the giant sand dunes, went horseback riding on the beach, tried SUP in the sound and jet skiing, walked and played with Bigs every morning and night, grilled out, partied our butts off by a bonfire on the beach, sight seeing, and tons of beach time!  It was awesome! 

Dorks!

Early Fall, I went with a group to FATS to ride the trail system there.  Crazy fun!  My first time there.  I was so scared but having fun all at the same time.  I had my first crash too...went over the handle bars!  I am proud of myself for not quitting and sticking with it.  It ended up being a super fun day!

I also went camping at Edisto Beach with my brother and his family this Fall.  It was an awesome weekend.  This was our first time all camping together as a family. Racoons invaded our campsite!  It was a wild weekend!

To end the year off with a blast, my friend, James, took me shooting for the first time.  It was intense and super addictive.  I AM definitely doing it again!

  I also learned a lot about family this year.  I learned more reasons as to what makes my Dad such an awesome man too!  I'm lucky and so blessed to have him as my Dad.

All in all, 2011 was a great year!  

I need to write more blogs!

Am I nerd if I am already starting to read Chapter 3 of the material for spring semester 2012?  I'm just excited and want to get ahead on my reading!

Anyway, I'm working on my 2011 year in review blog right now.  And working on my 2012 resolutions or desires rather.  

Tuesday night, I shot off a .40 pistol (or hand gun) for the first time.  I figured, why the hell not?  No sense in leaving 2011 w/o a loud bang!

Relax your shoulders, Sue

It was quite intense!  Not the same kind of intensity as a guy you date that is gaslighting all the time (from a recent article I just read), but more of a really cool intensity...as in, I REALLY WANT TO DO IT AGAIN!  Guns are scary...powerful.  I've always been a little scared to shoot, but it has been on my bucket list of things to try.  The coolest part: our targets were Zombies!!!

Winter is here now, and I can tell.  Not just because daylight hours are shorter and it is cold.  My body hurts!!!  It is time for more stretching and yoga now.  More massages, etc.  I call it winter maintenance!  Winter brings to me a stiff body!

I have registered for a Climbathon in 2012!  It is a fundraiser that will go on in March for Duke Ronald McDonald House.  I'm really excited.  I hope this stiff, tired body can get up those climbing walls!  

Speaking of climbing, I'm still not a 5.10 climber!  Maybe I never will be?  I have been climbing since 2007.  It is something I really love doing, but it is also something that frustrates me like nothing else has.  I've never really been athletic.  Most sport stuff comes hard for me.  When i was a little girl in PE classes, I would duck if a ball came towards my head, instead of trying to tap it over the net.  I was the last person chosen to be on a team.  However, I was pretty good at basketball in early middle school...my twin sister and i did basketball camp one summer, and I loved it.  I never kept with it though. (sigh)  And in the 6th grade, I won fastest sprinter in my homeroom class when we did the track and field portion of PE.  The coach asked my parents if my sister and I could try out for track the upcoming year, and they said no.  Our studies and grades were more important.  DARN!  Oh well...

Anyway, I may never be that person who will climb hard grades.  I guess that is ok.  I love climbing, and there are plenty of places i can go and climb beautiful 5.5's that are multi-pitch.  Leading is another thing that I haven't gotten back to yet.  I'm so scared to fall.  Climbing is fun and it challenges me, but not to the same extent as it does for others.  Mine is like, "Mom, look at me...I'm climbing!" as I reach the top of my 5.8 clean with quiet feet.  Others are like, "Goal accomplished, I led my first 5.12a today!"   

I've been finding that most things that are challenging in life aren't necessarily physical or intellectual...but more mental in the sense that you have to rule your mind or it will rule you!  I was so afraid to go back to school, and here I am already finished with 3 prerequisite courses!  2 Bs and 1 A later.  (In science!!!)  Also, just like anticipating that loud boom from a .40 hand gun!  It's all mental.  I don't want to be that scaredy cat who gives up.  I want confidence and I want to be able to push myself.  Maybe this is one thing I want more of for next year.

The Universe sent me a really cool message yesterday:  

Whatever your problem or challenge may be, Sue, laugh at it. Laugh long and hard. Because you are forever and it is temporary. Love you, The Universe

Don't let anyone tell you different!

LOVE these lyrics!

"I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive

I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise

To fly, to fly

Everybody wanna try to box me in
Suffocating every time it locks me in
Paint their own pictures, then they crop me in
But I will remain where the top begins

'Cause I am not a word, I am not a line
I am not a girl that can ever be defined
I am not fly, I am levitation
I represent an entire generation

I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive
I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise
To fly, to fly

Get ready for it, get ready for it, get ready for it
I came to win"
 
- Nicki Minaj

so true...

from a love song

"my greatest fear is that you'll crash and burn before I have a chance to feel your fire."

Matters of the Heart

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle."

- Steve Jobs.

OBX Vacation

Vacation this year was in the OBX (outer banks, nc) August 2011.

I vacationed with my friend Paul again this year.  We had so much fun in Kauai last year together, we decided to do it again this year!

The sound in Manteo on Roanoke Island



We stayed in Manteo.  It is located on Roanoke Island.  We wanted to be away from tourists and not right on the beach.  We figured we would be doing a lot of day trips anyway to see all of the Outer Banks! That is exactly what we did.  It was still a bit too hot to camp, and the bugs were bad.

Our first day on a beach there was at Coquina Beach on Hwy.12.  Hwy. 12 is the Cape Hatteras National Seashore.  It is a beautiful drive.  Each day we would drive down to different portions of the outer banks by way of Hwy 12.

After our first day at Coquina, we explored Hwy 12 and drove to Pea Island and ate dinner in Rodanthe.  There are many places to pull off on the side of the road and take gorgeous photos.  The sand dunes separating us from the beach were absolutely amazing!

On the way back, we caught an awesome sunset at Pea Island National Reserve while hiking a little nature trail.



Coquina Beach is where we spent most of our beach days!  It was closer and not swarmed with tourists!  Coquina was really nice...huge beach area for playing frisbee...not a lot of people and no homes there.

Footprints on Coquina Beach

In fact, our last night in the outer banks, we had a bonfire on Coquina Beach!



bonfire party on Coquina Beach



Early in the week, we drove down to Cape Hatteras and took the ferry over to Ocracoke Island.  We spent the entire day on the beach there in Ocracoke!  Amazing!  We basically had this enormous beach all to ourselves!  I like beaches with no houses around and not a whole of people.

We played frisbee and boogie boarded all day!  The waves were a lot larger in the outer banks earlier in the week from a front that had come through.  However, the water was warmer there at Ocracoke than it was at Coquina Beach.



the beach at Ocracoke

The ferry ride back to Hatteras was amazing.  We both enjoyed another sunset!



sunset on the ferry back to Hatteras from Ocracoke

  

The middle of the week brought us to Equine Adventures.  We rode horses on the beach down in Frisco!

the beach at Frisco



the beach at Frisco



The sand dunes in Kitty Hawk were amazing as well.



kite flyer



hang gliders



one enormous mound of sand



Paul and Sue



Fun with my camera on Coquina Beach:



Paul taking en evening dip!





This year's vacation was awesome!  I relaxed and set myself free...so much that it was really hard to come back home!

Words of Wisdom from TUT

In life, Sue, you can only be scared when you believe in limits.

You can only ever feel lonely when you stop doing things.

You can only ever become bored when you no longer follow your heart.

And you can only ever get overwhelmed when you think the illusions are real.

Whew! Who knew it could be so easy to get back on track???

And, Sue, it only ever seems hard when you rush yourself!

- The Universe

12 Rules for Building Self-Confidence

So I am reading a new book. 
The 12 rules are:
1. Focus on your potential instead of your limitations.
2.  Determine to know the truth about yourself.
3.  Distinguish between who you are and what you do. 
4.  Find something you like to do and do well, and go do it over and over. 
5.  Replace self-criticism with regular, positive self-talk. 
6.  Replace fear of failure with clear pictures of yourself functioning successfully and happily. 
7.  Dare to be a little eccentric. 
8.  Make the best possible peace with your parents.
9.  Determine to integrate the body and spirit. 
10.  Determine to live above neurotic guilt. 
11.  Cultivate people who help you grow.
12.  Refuse to allow rejection to keep you from taking the initiative with people.

Anyway, so I'm ready for what this book has to offer and how i can learn from it.